Return to the Mecca 1 Cloud

“Don’t judge a book by its cover but by its content … often you will find the devil hidden inside a shiny suit smiling at you with his hand out, not in redskin and some horns lashing a tale with a pitch fork… Although sometimes he does”

Wolf packs… have you ever howled at the moon just to feel something after life happened and left your soul numb..?

Dziva- Cloud

I came from the water of warmth and life
Floating in the unknown for a future not yet seen
I am the giver of life and the wash of death
I am water
Hurt and tears noticed but not shed covering the reality and the seen but unknown blackness
Of my race
I am water
My life and world depends on the moon and the stars
The rain cleanses but does not wash away color or skin
But i am still water
Life giver
Washing of sins not yet known
Babies not yet born i will
Wash them and heal them
For i am water
Strong and powerful
Destroying cities and crops
But pleasure of soothing waves
And pleasant memories
I am water your life giver
And taker
I
Am
Water........

 (Just a whisper in the wind)

 My mother always told me when I was growing up not to look for good or evil by what it looked like, but by its fruit. I believe our generation in Zimbabwe was the first to experience a wicked phenomenon and perverse evil that had already swept across Europe, certain parts of Asia and the America’s over the last centuries. The sickness itself infected us during the colonial era with their arrival on our shores for such a sickness had never existed among our peoples, but then again it might just have being a matter of time, the destruction of the traditional family unit which was our strong hold and our cultural values tarnished, which in and of its self was our force field against the attack, infected unaware and unknowing, we started to show clear symptoms just before the revolutionary/ anticolonial wars, and “it” ultimately became a mutating virus at independence, which reflected in the era’s value systems changes, some we choose our self… some imposed on us ,it doesn’t matter at the end of the day the people were sick unknowingly, but like any strong people(who we are) some of us developed an immune system …a new way of thinking and it is war, savage war, we were drawn into a dog fight we didn’t want with no rules of engagement on either side and a lot of collateral damage.

2

 The sickness I speak of and the strange fruit we became is (not was) “the fatherless generation” the strange fruit destine in the future at one point or another to destroy each other unless cured. I think we are doing better than the rest of the world because of our immune system which would be eons of Culture that stems back to beginning of the world itself, well... well it simply refused to lie down and die, “it” our immune system new well the only thing constant in life was change and although it was not ready for the viciousness of the attack, it managed to simplify itself because it knew after watching over the ages the simpler the organism the better its chance of survival and planted this seed in some of us and somehow we survived, but do not be fooled many us are still infected and in denial. I call it the disconnect theory; I think in this era we live in now 2018 the greatest two weapons of the enemy are fatherlessness and ignorance. I don’t think society fully comprehends how important it is for children to both boys and girls to have their father engaged in their lives. The enemy figured out if he could remove the father figure from the home, be it physically emotionally mentally financially and so on, a direct disconnect in the relationship between Man (meaning humanity regardless of sex) and god would be formed and moral decadence would reign, and if you think I am wrong just take a look at the state of the world, wars sparked out of greed and stupidity/pride, abuse of women at an all-time high, very little reverence for a life, the number of men in prisons and the number of men who have changed their sexual persuasion, the enemy has attacked our would be fathers and left the definition of masculinity in tatters to break the back and heart of our women, maybe just turn on the news listen for 5 minutes and cringe, profits and not prophets the lord’s prayer or novena  does not start with our god or our lord it starts with “our father”. We are made in god’s image as 3 part beings, mind (soul), body and spirit, just as god is Father, son and Holy Spirit. In this age even among the so called Christians, we can accept Jesus easily as savior and brethren, the holy spirit as the comforter the soft side of or as some have argued the feminine side of god , but we tend to reject god the father, because we have never felt our earthly fathers love and many who did have father growing up dealt with infected angry Brocken abusive and a small group felt the real love, and the way we relate to god is the same way we relate to him (our earthly father) and there is an anger resentment, and un-forgiveness and rebellion against authority in any form, serial time stealers and the most precious thing we possess in this life is time, life its self is time (Sadness in my voice) and the enemy achieved his goal … (laugh with a hint of madness)  to steal cheat and destroy, and by the time you look up and realize what happened , it will be time up and you don’t get it (time) back, stolen forever.

3

They say self-sacrifice produces love and self-preservation selfishness but in our case it was the sacrifice that produced the self-preservation which allowed us to defy the laws of nature and retain our sanity where  others would of lost their minds, it become a strange and powerful thing (self-preservation- sacrifice), it had the strangest capacity to draw the most unlikely of characters together, if Tupac was alive he would say it allowed us to breathe  fresh air and walk with no feet, and still manage to reflect the inner rose beauty god blesses all his children with. They say you can’t choose your family but I would also tend  to beg to differ, sometimes it’s not the blood you share…its pain, love and the most painful and confusing of all hope,  meet the “Wolf pack” my family away from family, drawn together by our brokenness, issues and the complexities/dispositions we faced in our home  school and general environment this was It, our family in a world deprived of love we created our own version that worked for us, bonds born in different hell fires but the same devil, an unseen space in heart and mind, a true place of non-judgement nor critique, no need for understanding just acceptance and a chance to sit down and breathe in all the crazy and busy of the world… some form of warmth, sun if you will in the cold of humanities battle of reality vs image and its effects on the soul, and strategy...method maybe the reason behind all the madness, and a chance for us to slow time down  while living at high speed and try to figure it out, or at least attempt to figure out who I am in it all, “ who the me… me is?”, the real me not your expectations, not my adaptations for your acceptance or the type casts life seemed to have thrown us into to survive, I could be just me with the wolves… the good the bad the intangible…

 Wolf pack  members had 3 things in common:

 1 we were either the smartest or the fastest of our age group extremely gifted and creative, whether it was for the good or the unscrupulous, broken early in what call spiritual war fare or as father would say “baptism by fire”. 

2  We all had parent issues either the vicariousness of how they lived through us which caused us to question our true dream , purpose and god given instinct, or our parents were absent physically mentally or emotionally, as result we had developed distinct and certain dispositions as a result of a “do as I say not as I do” home environment which often fuelled a silent rebellion and anger, and the war was on ( the casualties of innocence  many), learning to adapt our own ways to survive.

3 Last but not least we become little people who all couldn’t wait to grow up ( actually we were grown up little people), unfortunately we didn’t know what we were asking for until we got there, and then we wanted to grow down but it was too late, and with that we made one promise that the “sins of the fathers would not visit our sons”.

4

 It would be rude for me to start with anybody else other than myself. My real names Tapfuma Gerald Munengami but everybody calls me Ta or Storm/Cloud as far back I can recall, “he who takes no shape and has norm completely unpredictable, answerable only to Mr God”, as far back as I am aware even in the womb I posed a strength and a wisdom that were not mine untamed honest and raw, at my fingertips waiting for breathe and a life time to master, but for most of it people called me Cloud because they said I was crazy posed nemangoromera (a conflicted dark spirit), I was fast, crazy I didn’t say much back then, and when I did people didn’t real understand me figuratively not literally, I didn’t use words much back then either, even though I somehow knew my vocation would be around words music writing poetry, I understood their power (that wisdom that wasn’t mine) and approached them words that is with caution/ reverence, hence my silence often while we got to know each other better. I have had side burns since I was 10 years old I rocked Afro just like father pure swagga and from the age of seven I had silver hair growing in my hair. My disposition was the tragic loss of my father at age 7. I watched as liver sclerosis took him home to the other fathers (anscetors), slowly and painfully… piece by piece the cape was ripped from the back of  my hero, it all seemed be in slow motion, the dust settled on his boots, faded the shine and lost their gleam, I didn’t cry at the funeral not for lack of understanding of what was going on, I did my crying on the inside I needed to be strong for my mother she was shattered two hero’s stolen by one stone the strength that wasn’t mine stood up, the little boy died and the shadow of a man started walking vicious. I wish I had cried back then it would have saved me a lot pain and issues as a young adult, like the inspiration to blues songs unwritten I had all this pain gnawing at my soul in un-cried tears for so long helping design my psycho. Satan had drawn me into a dog fight early and I am still swinging to this day. After I turned 7 life had found innovative ways to strip me of my innocence, I think anybody who has grown up in single parent house hold knows that you sacrifice your child hood because you have to grow up faster than your counterparts and peers if you want to survive, if you have any hope of living your purpose or seeing your dream breathe and the taste of real authentic love, and you have no intention of being trapped as a child in your head… in a grown man’s body for the rest of your life, (slight pain at the memory because I see them, a lot of them all the time baby hooey’s and peter pans I mean and that’s not a life fully lived, from my prospective personally it seem painful and lonely). In this environment you either become the issue or try and help out around the house to deal with issues. I loved my mom brother and sister dearly so I tried to do the latter but things don’t always go to plan and sometimes found myself being the issue as I wrestled with un-cried tears a dormant world could not understand. While other kids are playing with toys and doing normal kids’ stuff I was doing chores around the house changing lights and fuses, running errands I even learnt to manage money early by going to the post office to pay bills and doing grocery that would explain the hustle latter on in my life, don’t get me wrong I am not complaining it’s just that you felt a ting of pain  when your friend’s fathers were taking them fishing or something manly, you watch them drive off on Saturday morning and they (your friends unwittingly) would be sharing how great it was on Monday morning, it was a strange place to be emotionally (that young) in deep internal reflections, you would never wish this pain, this void on someone else but you  couldn’t … you can’t help but feel some morbid sense of  jealously and misguided anger at no one really…? so it turns on yourself and the last person you want to war with is you because you know you way to well and you know where to hit, even stuff as simple as changing tires you have to figure it out on your own, my mom taught me how to do it because these are basic life skills every man should have, but it just didn’t feel the same as when I watched my friends with their fathers, there was an affirmation  they seemed to get that my mom  could  not give me and my inner writer recognized it (the wisdom that was not my own). The best way I can explain it is when your father is absent while you become a man,  it’s like being lost in a forest with no campus and you look up the stars because inherently you know the directions are up there somewhere and try to learn how to read them as fast and as safe as possible (not going to happen),but because you don’t have any life experience often you find yourself lost and while your lost life is happening and I forgot to mention that in this forest are all kinds of beast hunting and you’re the preyer, so you either  you give up or learn faster to trust your instincts .. scars, lots of scars reminders of lessons learnt that will never be forgotten and you have to grow a thick skin or kill the soft inside you and that lost-ness is one many don’t come back from for life ,  the problems along the way if you make it (god bless those who committed suicide and died from drugs and violence on the path to masculinity) you will make mistakes people and society, I learnt the hard way trust me I have the scars to prove it , will try and define you based on those mistakes and mess with your head “little boy little girl let me in not by hairs on my chinny chin chin”, and so the fairy tale or night mare go’s. The Second problem in a single parent house hold is discipline the lack of it or way too much of it. Unfortunately for me my mother choose the path of tough love in the absence of a man in the house to balance us out, translated for the less astute in  the language of single parents tough love = ass whoop. Although I thank my mother for every beating I received back then lest I  might be dead today  because I was crazy and that’s the truth, a lot of those beatings crossed the border line of abuse not much just barely, but to cross is to cross… not only in intensity but many beatings were trivial to me, they felt more like venting than the scars of love, I remember more than one ass whooping I received  that convinced me that I was adopted despite that fact my facial features gave evidence to the contrary that I was definitely hers(laughing in retrospect), strangely enough I remember being sick and that same one woman holding me all night praying and crying for my survival and a piece of hero’s  fallen cap was sawn back on. That same woman who worked 2 jobs and ran a business to make sure we never went without because she had made a promise to my father that we would all go to university and get good educations, it is here I was introduced to the school master called life which started to explain to me the importance of keeping your word be it marriage vows or a simple promise. I remember massaging mama’s swollen ankles and the writer deep inside of me even then said “take a good look young king, this is what love looks like”, as my hands tried to chase away her pain and my mind tried comprehend my own confusion, life as a school master unknowing let me know that real love doesn’t look like what we think it does and if you look for it in the romantics and antics’, fairy tale and emotions you will miss it altogether.  The same woman who would tear that ass up would kill anything breathing or dead who laid a hand on me, that tough love phase was confusing in retrospect it pushed boundaries but I needed it or I wouldn’t be me today. It is from this woman I call my mother I learnt a stomach turning, shoulder crushing life changing work ethic which guides me to this day even if it awoke in me late and some people call it grind! And that’s about me for now. Oh wait I also learnt to pray very differently from my counter parts when, your mother is tired all the time and she might have had a drink to self-medicate the pain ( her lover is not there to take here pain away in waiting arms and banter it only now that I understand) and drives home, and she is all that you have in the world you don’t pray a 2 minute prayer nor for frivolous things, that prayers are on fire you live on your knees and the prayers are so deep no words are needed and you can feel the angels wings carry each word from  “a cold and broken halleluiah”. Last but not least often when you grow up in a single parent house you vicarious loose both parents, one physically and the other to the business of the world it’s not their fault the parent unknowing becomes a provider… emotional drained when they get home so even if they are there they are not, with a kiss and smile… I Mama for her sacrifice I understand now. Lonely nights when we howled at the moon literally just to feel something other than pain and numb, and so the wolf pack was originally made of 5 little people not so little now (laughing) and an addition 4 latter, we had known each I think since we were 5-6 years old or earlier, 1 girl  4 boys. Well you already know my story now meet the family starting with our first lady.

[flash- Dream world ]

Letter to my inner king

Wake up… I need you to wake again. I know that I am the one who did it… did this to us, it’s my fault, I am the one who lay you down to sleep, but please understand that I only did it to protect you from an enemy who was hell bent on destroying you in your infancy before you had learnt how to war and survive the strange assassins of manhood and brutish emasculating force of life designed by them, the problem lies in this you have being asleep so long that a part of you has forgotten who you are, you become a king while you were still in your slumber but I had laid you down to sleep  as a prince and precious lessons were missed, while you were violently woken up in chains and they fooled you into believing  you’re a slave. But of late your deep inner thoughts betray you with visions of crowns family history and glory, your soul dares you to hold your chest up with a pride… while you whisper ancient prayers into the wind and talk with the sky, your intellect has deducted that somethings amiss and your nostril hair burns because of the scent do deeply rooted lie about your identity, your heart has spoken to you with words that are foreign to them but you understand each letter clearly, but these words don’t make sense to your circumstance… as you question and quiz yourself…  when was the last time you ran free in path of your own mind and the plans of your own land of true originality, when was the last time  the inner beasts in you roared so loud they garnered the heavens attention, your roar was so pure with life and essence your lungs were empty and all pain and frustration was elevated,  all who heard the roar in the inner sanctum of your head fell to one knee and you were  once again the master of your fate and feeler of own heart…

Please wake up… wake up please

I give you my word as it is bond and if I must I will draw my own blood to make a mark that I will I will never make you sleep again, this is the last time ever that we will be parted one heart one soul one mind, I will war for you, without you I am incomplete and our separation was like a walk through hell time felt like an eternity … don’t open your eyes because they are already open …I need you to wake up for me, we are the last of our kind a dying breed and if you don’t wake up soon we will be extinct … Wake to me … reign as your ancestors did to my inner king

[Flash - waking in a cold swet]

Intro....

Spiritual warfare and we are on the front line … You see that guy lying in the hospital bed in a comma that’s me … That’s what it looks like when a demon to be specific  “Legion” , hits you in the head with a semi-truck from behind,  and a nosy Angel who could of stopped it all, well the captain of the host Michael without your permission splits your souls forever source energy into multi dimensions to hide the real you from that Demon while you train, but then there is the twist like infomercial there's   more. You see all those beautiful women surrounding my bed , yep all of them, well they’re all my wives , don’t judge me I didn’t do it at all it was him (pointing at Micheal), what i will say is that love is the most powerful force on earth if  and when i can understand  it to harness it. I will explain everything in a minute it’s pretty simple really but before I get into it , I must return to Ether so i can kill myself literally ... for it to all make sense follow me …

Family Affair … I loved you before I fell in love with you

 Time slows down [my inner thoughts] “I wish our ancestors had double clicked the alarm on the land, and checked the doors to our shore as they walked by 2- 3 times on our wealth and tighten their grip on the land  and our inheritance when the boats arrived the same way they do to us and their purses as we walk by minding our own business for no reason , I wish our ancestors had protected our women and children from the real rapist and child abuser and abductor  aboriginals feel the same way, I wonder how that would of felt how things would be so different… and then maybe they would know  how I feel, I assure you we won’t make that mistake , again… in 2017 i should be trying not figuring how to protect my children from them and the same old hate in a different form... instead of planning their brighter future, i wish our ancestors had fucking immigration system back then like "how long do you intend to stay and your intentions are ..”

[Flash] 201 7 Letter to my unborn

I loved you before i fell in love with you

Gentle smile at thought of you "while your still on the other side making your journey here through time and light with a purpose only you and Mr God know, I need you to know... I have loved before we meet in person , and i will fall in love with you again and again from when you make me say Awww at your birth and my eyes tear up with pride fear and affection ,  to when you remind me of younger me and i am struck by fear  and deep sense of whooping your ass ( if your anything like me you will need it, the ass whooping i mean it will save your life ) but also hugging you when i think to my self that's mine right there ... we breed them, and as you paint my hair grey or make it fall out intentionally or unintentionally , I might not always like what you do or the decisions  that you make and vice versa but the one thing that will bind us and our family together is this love thing we share ... you heard "

[Eyes... turning grey flamed]

The assagi , living steal forms in his right  hand as the car drives away . Three questions come to mind , is this 2017 or do they refuse or are they simply incapable of  evolving  from the stone age that their minds sets are stuck in of some false sense of racial supremacy , that's question number 1. Two what does the future hold  and mean  really  hold (for their preparation in case of war or the need to clap back)  for our seeds or do we have hurt them again and this time we don't compromise until it's done,  like Shaka and Thandi said "leave no enemy behind" and with that the other half of that, question they are not all evil and mine are not all good so who is the recall enemy, i mean the real real enemy ? And number 3 what did our parents, fathers, grand fathers, uncles  and family members die for, fight for , rally, get  beat, dog bitten , water blasted and staved for  or  protest for ... we know it will never be the same but will they ever change , not "it" (this situation we are in) ... for change is the only constant, but they? ... i used to believe in humanity as one but they have made it clear there is them and there is a us.

“Nigger…” This can't be my seeds future, hell no, not in  2017 ... i will kill them all (racist that is, relax white people unless your one of them). Once again my ninja like reflexes save me from an ignorance attack , as I call them as the egg fly’s millimeters from my right eye and splatters behind me on the wall . The car roars off  and the and the drunken rich white kids shout at the top of their lungs “fuck you nigger! Wooo hoo ! go home spear chucker 3rd world monkey” rightly so , from the safety of their car unaware of how they continually embarrassed themselves and their race in Mr Gods eye’s , the temptation is to strike them with a lighten bolt, but Mr Wisdom reminds they’re not the effort or the time, I can’t exactly blame them , attitude is reflection of leadership after all they did voted for John Key to be Prime minister and that says a lot, shit America let in Donald  silently  it (wisdom)  speaks loudly to my souls ,“ the journey to freedom indeed is long one”. There is a lack of anger and the deep sigh that leaves my chest telling you a story of disappointment , are we really in 2017 where such behaviors tolerated and who raised these savages, this wasn’t the first time and it most probably won’t be the last and that’s was part of the deep tragedy, a wise and apologetic smile finds itself on my face as I think about the hope and gift hidden in her womb and a strange gratitude that she was not by my side in that moment, indeed imaginary thoughts of you are light in darkness we sometimes have to walk, once again I am reminded I possess something they will never have “Class and Honor”, despite having all the opportunities and material goods which the so called third world children don’t have , it was the poorest generation I had ever seen in terms of character and morality (blame the parents) , with that I walked to the closest bus stop opened my bag , pulled out my pad and picked up my sword which would be my pen , “ I learnt to think ahead so I fight with my pen” , as the image of a passionate young Tupac flashes through my mind it was time to engage ignorance in a battle which it would ultimately lose with time in my unborn child  breathes and life time , at least that was the hope… sometimes I wondered did I really live in a free and fair World or was just bullshit they fed us and enforced by political correctness the direct enemy of change , or was I still in the stone age they call Africa the Dark continent i guess there origins were the home of dark hearts , teenagers calling me names trying to egg me as if they new struggles and pains, the educational system , parenting values  and a culture of abuse  had truly failed these people, my peace came from knowing Karma was real and she was a bitch when you tested  her , why was I surprised hurt people hurt people psychology 101, at night having to deal with a police who were under educated and over testosterone and armed with a reputation for gang rape and the use of excessive force , “ the school  master life” as always was never far away, yes my school master  "life" , he pointed out to me they (the police) had no reverence for life but not to be mad but cautious "there is heaven and hell in the next , you know where many will go,and this life time just us  not justice  “ they don’t know any better you can put lips stick on a pig it’s still a pig , you can take a crown from a King but he still is King , They took Josephs coat of many colors but not his anointing he still ended up as the king of Egypt ”… ( Life continues in my ear), whispered  “while they waste tax payer money harassing you because of the color of your skin , another young lady was drugged and raped , another drunk driver took a life , another executive just stole a few millions of their life savings , but don’t you worry at the end of the day the tortoise will catch up with the hare, whether they believe in Mr God or not he believes in them, we shall all stand before Mr God the father and i assure hell real and it's eternal  ”… Umm ? I can’t lie the temptation is to give up this fight I never picked in the first place  and let them suffer  in the apocalypse ahead (still contemplating sending some lightening they're way) , but i found myself in a fiddled with my mind because in that same world my seed would have to exist if i did nothing , I looked in the distance my eyes wide shut and just like a movie streaming, I saw a young Nelson Mandela in his solitude looking through the bars of his cell and felt what he felt for just a moment “alone” yet convicted  to the cause, in a slow motion I watched the dust rise and his body fall and I walked over to him in my mind I knelt down and kissed Malcolm good bye, as I light my cigarette I watch the smoke  rise as the plane crashed toward the earth a sense of panic and peace as I waved goodbye at Samora Michel trying to make sense of it, that the father doesn’t call you home unless your jobs done, the tears wanted to flow like blood from Martins wounds as he struggled to breathe and for a moment , I laid down to dream just to see his vision , and to get away from the madness I place my cold hands over my face I find myself examine how  on one side they are one colour and on the other another and the laugh of madness and a trade mark single tear asked Mr God the same question I asked last time, and that we as a people have being asking for years, “how can this skin you gave me , be the source of such hatred  I thought we were all equal in your eye’s … truth and lies ?”. I looked at the back of my hands again and all of a sudden a nine inch mail burst through my palms, “Jesus?” as they hammered it to side to hold , and I knew change as slow as it would be what it is , slow and painful, it would only come through blood theirs and ours … was it worth it… Did we make a difference would we after all we being fighting for how long? I don’t suffer from guilt ignornace or escapism... reality is the bed I sleep in especially to protect our seeds "we are equal only in Gods eye's make your back stab proof". I was pained that when we really gauged it you see, surface had changed but the way of thinking had remained the same . flawed thinking created flawed results… and that was true tragedy but at the same time we had to map a safe passage for our seeds its not like could suddenly stop existing and i would be dammed if they lived in disenfranchisement, (a deep breath) …It's not about us anymore society had already fucked us up and made us dysfunctional ... its about our seed.  As i imagine  your face the anger, fears , question of an unknown future  and frustration melts,  away a tear walks  into eyes feel your heart beat, i could almost touch your skin smell your newness... and war , hope slowly melts  the cold ice their actions that daily try to harden my soul on the inside , as they succeeded on the out " i will fight for you".

(The sound of scribbling)…Letters to my unborn

Hey you … After my father passed away it would be the last time in my life that my mother would physically pick me up from the ground if ever I fell down unless it was a life threatening injury, those years were hard for me because I was young  just a child and i didn’t fully understand it, but don’t get it wrong she did this out love and deep painful wisdom , there was a hidden wisdom in the pain and toughness, she knew a secret that in the absence of a man in the house, I would have to learn very early in life how to pick myself up and keep going , I would have to learn to be my own cheer leader and motivator, and I would have to teach my mind to go ahead, my soul to provide the energy from the pain for I would have plenty , and my body to follow, my grind would have to be more potent , more focused , more relentless and to this day I thank her for it , something in life only make sense in retrospect. I look at my generation and my counter parts … many men have fallen over and they have stayed there waiting for someone to come and pick them up , they have become baby hooeys’ boys in men’s bodies and sadly I have to let them know no one’s coming to pick you up so get up or go home this is just life and its hard. It’s tragic that we now live in society where the men gossip and complain more than the women do, it’s tragic that these very men can be out worked and out endured by the women they aim to dominate when they should be partnering up with them to build great nations , and now that I know that you are coming into this world my unborn seed from eternity into time, I don’t know if you’re a boy or girl but if you are a prince forgive me now , for after you turn age of 7, I will do as my mother did to me because I love you and I want you to be strong and not to get lost on the path of masculinity and I don’t want to make you a cripple in a cruel world that has no mercy for men who carry our skin , you can cry but you are going to get up on your own I will lift you with my words . I will pick you up with my words but not with my hands, and if you’re a princess daddy will always be there to pick up when you need me just call .

Allow me to introduce myself I am your father but you can call me Da dad father and the voice , well you’re  in the safety of womb  enjoy it  it gets rough out here , whether you’re a boy or girl your name will be Anesu which in Shona means “god with us”. I hope and pray to God to live and grow old and grey with you as I have asked to do with your mother , to be a guide to you  and watch you become everything you can be… but alas the times we live in are crazy, lost and confused and my own heart speaks against me sometimes and my expectation of a bright future , they say if you have faith then you shouldn’t have fear, but I do have one fear and that is that the sins of the father will visit the son and so I have chosen to write these letters to you so that if anything should happen to me, at least I leave you a blue print for life and this crazy thing called masculinity and in some strange way we have this relationship-ish ,  and that you would have less questions as you grow older about me and who I really I am for until you get older and can understand I will have to hide my scars and endure many things in silence as the men of family do. I need you to know that I thought about you and loved you before I even met your mother (laughing) , you were the subject of many a conversation between me and this guy called Jesus or Mr Gods as I call him, often I would watch the sun fall wondering where you were , when you were coming and would I be ready I guess we will find out soon. So know that when you are born… you are more than enough and everything you do after your first breathe, well that is just a blessing even the mistakes there just a chance for you to learn faster, you have nothing to prove to anybody accept yourself just know that you are loved and that you are raised. If I have any choice in the matter and I do even if I have to defy the laws of nature for you , I hope to love you with  both the soft and gentle fluffy love as well as with the tough love ( ass whoop) which only time will explain to you because at that time you will think I am unfare as I did with those before me absolutely crazy , that tough loves a hard one because you will most probably at the time think I am crazy when you get it , but  you will get “it” when you’re older , I pray  I hope you understand as watch you from boyhood to man.

One of the reasons why I write to you now is simply because my father died when I was 7 years old  and it a deep fear of mine to leave you early in this world . He (your grand pa) was a good man for all that I know and I can remember ... but when he died something happened to me I am not sure what it was exactly  but I was dark , but what but I do remember is I was a very lost little boy filled with anger pain and hurt  in the dark trying to fill a void that could not be filled , it is here I learnt to cry like an adult with a false sense of dignity and not like a child with all emotion and hurt such as to take my soul to laundry mat as god had designed tears for , I learnt one of the great lies of being an adult while I still 7 how to put on a mask , how to be a true thespian to look normal and well-groomed on the surface while my soul was in torment walking the on coals of hell searching for significance and self-worth , when you arrive in this world and god willing  you live long enough there are things that you will go through that words will fail to describe, some of them good and some of them well, you will figure it out the hard way , these moments will be yours and yours alone , these moments will be the places where people fail to understand you and often you will be aware that you walk with Mr God and god alone all your life ... and my father passing was one of them for me . Anyway the problem is that I knew him (my father) as a child would know his father , pretty much as a super hero with a cape and spandex an immortal  well at least a demi god ,who could do anything and  do no wrong, how mistaken I was ,  the only other true father I knew was God and I assure that has being a very complicated relationship for lack of relationship , Who in himself is perfection and created much learning for understanding ? The dilemma for me came as I grew older the journey to manhood , there was not only a need for guidance but a need to understanding my frailties and shortcomings as well as my strengths and gifting’s, my quirkiness  complexities and contradictions that make me… me , this heart inside of my chest that seemed schizophrenic , on days  it wants to lay down and die and the next moment it was defiant fiery, it would lift its middle finger at life and says bring it on Bitch. One of the hardest things to achieve and master in life and I can warn you about it now is balance, I know because I am still a student of balance as I write to you and can assure you it doesn’t exist only harmony , it is something I still struggle with today and I am sure I will until I am called home by the lord , the loss of my father also caused me to grow at a rate faster than my counter parts again with little guidance I found the scales tipped against me , and I stumbled staggered but refused to fall , feeling my way through life never truly knowing whether I was right or wrong ( alight sigh) , in truth all I needed was a nod or pat on the back of head or shoulder … a little affirmation  there was none . In it all despite adversity, I soon figured out I had soul that didn’t compromise almost unbreakable , a mind that rarely slept most of the time lost inside my own thoughts,  and a heart that was driven and hardened with callus on the outside but very tender inside that I would protect at all cost but I would also unlearn that habit if not I would not be able to love your mother the way I do , for most of my life I felt like I pretty much walked alone even thou I wasn’t , and in a strange way it made my inner me a my enemy  ... I think I am doing better now, but along the way I made a lot of mistakes ... and I assure this world is very unforgiving especially for men of colour, and I had to learn that one’s mistakes do not define who you ar e, and I had to learn how to forgive myself first and fast because if you don’t you become a cripple and a puppet for Satan.  Child when you arrive in this world at all costs protect and watch your inner conversation, you can only give to others what you have for yourself ... so love you first before you quest for it outside and doing so can do it in abundance , warning this love things crazy , it’s a sweet contradiction its makes war like hell fire itself and as soft as lamb, it makes uncompromising in some ways and  then ask you to do just that compromise but that’s another letter…

I really hope you get to know me as a man not as a God or hero, as Mandela once said “in my strengths and great victories as well as all my weakness and failures.”  You need to see me in 360 degrees in all my seasons somehow it will help you understand yourself better what I call our complexities as men , I hope to be a book of knowledge for you as those who went before me my parents , your grandparents . My swagga is imprinted in your veins it’s just gonna come out you in strange ways, it might even  surprise you hopefully in a good way (laughing) but there a lot things I will teach you intentionally … words this world doesn’t use any more like “integrity honour loyalty self-worth self-sacrifice family purpose long suffering to mention a few” , having said that I am a man so from observing me you are going to learn what to do and what not to do because I have flaws I can admit that openly, you see how you have me teaching already because real men and we are a dying breed we can admit when we are wrong,  actually it’s a strength the part of you we will work on its called developing character, and hopefully you are a faster learner than I was, because your daddy was hard headed and have the scars to prove it.  We will build your mind first once that’s done the body will be easy trust me on this most people in the world you arrive in will do It back ward. Secondly the ability to admit you were wrong with an open mind and sincere heart allows the capacity to learn faster than those around you and assure that is a lethal weapon. I don’t know why it’s so heavy on my heart but I feel I have to pound this into your head your coming into world where everyone got a get rich or die trying mentality, baby if you can put a monetary value on its not worth shit  you heard . You can’t buy love and you can’t buy time you can’t buy purpose , you can’t buy satisfaction all the free things of  Mr God  hurt , and require hard work, but I assure you when get them it’s worth it, just remember it cost that something that isn’t money. I remember when I was growing up back in Zimbabwe , I had friend who was extremely rich and he could not understand the satisfaction I got as boy becoming a man doing certain manual jobs around the house for my mom,  he used to make fun of me but, I also remember the sadness in his eyes ,  he was jealous me I remember how he would get mad and sad , when my mother would look after a simple thing like the lawn being cut and say good job and say to me  “you’re the man of the  house”. My point is this doesn’t be deceived by riches,  if you cannot put a monetary value on anything truly valuable. I am keep pounding it into your head so you aight for now. Before I end my entry for the day I need to address two genetic tendencies you might have to address as you get older which might make your life complex . I am strong believer in embracing your uniqueness as strange as it might be unless it hurts another human being for no reason , so the first issue is I have what they call an acquired sense of humour and I am allergic to stupid people this particular condition cannot be cured so don’t try , but you can hide it by not saying anything at all and laughing in your head in awkward situations, but I must warn you might find yourself feeling the urge to say something like “simply slap the taste out of fool … whooping ass and taking names ”. It’s natural try your best to walk away at least asses that situation first  , your mother will not approve of me encouraging you … but go on and do it, if the urge over takes you hit them in throat or groin no hesitation , number 2 you better pray you inherited my speed to run (laughing) icase it goes terribly wrong,  okay we got that one out the way . The second issues is more serious it’s on your mother side I didn’t know what I was marrying into I am just put it out there but I still love her… most of the time, if you find yourself having a urge to serial ass slapping grabbing tendencies especially post puberty it’s her, I am serious when I met your mother my ass looked like half a basketball now I got ass dimples and it’s not from working out (laughing). If you are having this issue as you get older don’t seek therapy it won’t work, don’t talk to me talk to your mother I am still trying to cure her but it has its moments. That’s me for the day I don’t want to flood your mind I hit you up some more tomorrow and remember daddy loves you … I will see soon , I have loved you before I will fall in love with you and you paint my hair grey.

… The scribbling stops

Nothern Star Meet the  ... Wife 2 Cece

"we loved each other before we fell in love with each other, like roots and earth, like air and lungs, like touch and feel, that's how we got connected and still are connected its our nature... to be "

In-to- me -see = intimacy... 

We created and  lived in our own little world most of the time and we were happy and content, how and when did we do i have no clue , the funny thing is we wanted more "just us" time, not more stuff just our time alone together sacred, comfortable being misunderstood and not looking for the worlds acceptance or understanding, we had something special  we had each other un-apologetically Adam and Eve minus the fig leaves and the sin, and still connected to the forever source Mr God,  that which spoke with no words , heard with no ears and felt with no hands we understood each other, way to often accept for "us", the walls listening , angels and Mr God most people didn't get us, but  i think that's how we were supposed to be , a modern day "Beauty and the Beast" and I was the beauty of course, just kidding she was always almost timeless in essence, the perfect flaw the kind of awe that  broke the sky's and made the wind stop . We loved each other before we fell in love and maybe that’s why we were next level in every way possible , to this day what "it" is and how "it" became  that way is still a mystery to me ,it is one of those questions i will ask Mr God when he calls me home for good. 

Have you ever being so connected to another human being you can’t tell where they start and you end,  you can't tell who's the brush who's canvas... is this  love or is  it art, the got me stupid smart ? but you know that's a heaven inspired craft , the two are “one”  but the “one”  are aware they two but have always being “one” ( make sense of it latter like i said crazy and we some how were the method to madness ), even a mother and her child in the womb were not as connected as we were  and that’s no exaggeration , In all honesty  it’s rare that a person gets the gift of falling in love 4 times with the same person without the drama of breaks ups and make ups , just going deeper and deeper every time the kind of love that evolves when it ready and has not found a limit to the heavens, human yet divine yet and in honesty doesn’t want to (find a limit that is) ... 4 times i fell in love with her without falling out .

 The  first time was that classic cliche  magical moment which would be the  first time we met, I call that moment the black out, and not because i blacked out (laughing). The Silver back (me) met the Black panther (her) brute force blended with humility  me regal grace with killer instinct, again it was a mystery to me how two such different species connected as one ..."i think i just saw my future wife" rolled of my tongue subconsciously . The only thing we really knew in our innocence was that in each others presence we were a  powerful entity, One of  us was a planet  and the other one gravity caution thrown to wide in naivety we would fall in love, " Does my ass look  fat in these jeans" how does something so spiritual come a from this don't ask me ask God. 

 The second time we loved as no others was our friendship, we cleaved like eagles take flight and fish born in water .... nature, Pure, No fig leaves naked souls unashamed for two Africans strange no inhibitions  but only friends , no place felt more comfortable than my head on her lap and her body in my arms and her head on my yet some how we stayed platonic, subconscious fear maybe a of ruining a good thing , I protected her femininity, restored it bandaged and nursed  sometimes ,as she protected and fed my masculinity in  society happy to confuse and destroy both  ... laughter lots and lots of laughter  in a world where many people are lonely even when in relationships, she saw through me to me to feel me, I saw through the crowds and masks to her breathed her  to feel her  friends .

The Third time was the romance "why can't i find some like you ?" transparent and solid at the same time , two ghosts dancing we were what we were, one minute we are dancing to Rockwilder She was Redman and Meth, same entities slow dance the  Tango by moonlight ,  one a Star light "Orion" and the other a Cloud an  element of nature only answerable to God Storm"… Tupac once wrote to Jada “you bring me climax without sex” , I would like to think I felt and knew what he meant in truth words don't capture "it", and strangely enough as a man for the first time in my life, i was comfortable being complete  vulnerable with another being , to be present in the moment but gone , lost but found … and my ears become a dairy for her deepest secrets, hurts , fears hopes and dreams ... i showed her my pyscho and vice versa  and we comfortable but never complacent about each other..she was crazy and i was  well me ,some how I loved her even for it...

The fourth time was as Clasicc as the first unplanned, unscripted theater i think it caught both by surprise (and ... no we are not pregnant that will be the fifth time i fall in love her deeper). I would like to say it was the first kiss ,  or the first time we mad...or made love (laughing) but no. It was that moment I had convinced my self didn't exsist at all  (dropping to a knee pebble in hand ) " do me the honor and marry me... last name and all, until death do us part and then some ? ". For a man to say "yes" and let alone a woman to ask with no fear, no inhibition and a sense of anticipation in retrospect was snow flake rare one kind, My  Mama used tell me " when you know, that you know , you will know ( do tha math latter) ... that crazy moment when you realize you will spend a life time with this person, and one or other would down to rest and face that moment on both sides with no fear ... that moment right was a heaven ... and very drunk (laughing)

[...Flash the Union  ]  

Cece…“Cloud, when  you love someone you let them go… If they come back to you then they are yours , If he doesn't then  get a double barrel shot gun and shoot the bitch sucking his dick cooking his food making him all happy and shit and get your man back … and give him one firm warning … look at what you made me do, don’t do it again you heard , with a butcher knife by his balls? ”

… me nodding while swallowing hard “really... is all that necessary what happened to diplomacy ? ”
 Cece nodding confidently “ yeah ... really, that is me being diplomatic ,  you got to check these ragged bitches out here and send a clear message (wrapping her hands around my neck) and keep your ass in line , Good men are in short supply... clear message  he's mine hands off, you do that lets another one the heffa's try something... or i can cut your dick off  and take whats mine back  you got options ... oh yeah and lots of makeup sex , maybe I will be the one to leave you with a smile and walking funny when i do that thing that you like all night long ... if you make it, or  do i cut it off  my dick and take it  ( her dick) or shoot her  ...ummm?”.
 "Really you play to much  ?". 
Cece shaking her head "broken hearts don't play they do"

[Funny enough it is her I loved the purest of all the wives in the Dimensions , she is the Northern star  the eternal love , if I was a Scarecrow she would be  that one iconic Rose, (studio)

 " you got the eyes of  Panther, the grace of a Tigress ,power , pride a the presence of lioness.

Hearts soul body  wisdom and embody Finesse"

[Flash ...]

“ Miss me ?”
 “always and for ever” 
 “how much?”
 “Eternally like the Norther star Dede (pet name)”

... My First and  my real wife is Cece ... Chiso (her face) every day that I wake up next to her it feels like prayer in every way was answered ( and this would be a problem latter on), She always reminds me how real Mr Godz is with out trying , from the first time I met her until now, I have never taken her for granted  the rose with few petals scared stem a slanted the essence of beauty. Without thinking I would give up my life for hers... connected is an understatement of what are, more like custom designed to be together the definition of one flesh and one bone looking good Like mustang sitting on rims. One of Mr God’s realist gifts , mysteries ,and I mean mysteries and treasures ,here on earth entrusted in my care for this life time ...

Any relationship that starts with “Does my ass look fat in these jeans? ” is always going to be a tumultuous one , never a boring a moment everday we own it, and strange enough we never fought never not even once , i never said that  we never disagreed-ed, one or the other was quick to compromise between us was no pride just this weird understanding, once in while we faked it ...fighting that is but ended in heap wrestling and laughing , but i assure you the make up sex was real crazy we were indeed, and we never felt  a sense of lonely  like we witnessed all around us as walked through the days and time together.  If I had not met her in this life time  I definitely would of felt the lacking , as in my journey on earth would of being incomplete lack luster, don't get me wrong she didn't complete me just the journey  if i was U she was S "us", If she was the W i was the E  "we" The I and eye.

When I fell in love with her I knew she said crazy stuff and to be honest maybe that was part of the attraction , never a boring moment like most people in relationships who fall into routine and sooner or later fall into a unique form of lonely, lonely , it wasn't so much that she said crazy stuff it was the timing of the crazy stuff she said.

I was about to get my first taste to consecrate our relationship, dick hard as titanium condom on, dam it ... I am the Black Moses she had already bust a nut hard hat area a mans about to go to work and get mine Captain warp 9... and just before engage , that’s when her hands crept to the back of my neck and pulled my corn rows back to get my eye contact… kinky I guess but I knew she was freak ...was it going to be one of those talk about when your old moments … yes but not like you think …

“Cloud Walker  I want you own this pussy Dede ( pet name) break my back in the places eat it up and beat it up, but if you ever cheat on me after this , I will cut  your dick and balls off and put them in jar to remind me to never fall in love again  ... now get this pussy black Moses”…

Now the women are thinking to themselves, what’s wrong with that, and the men just cringed and said “she said what and you still hit it ?”… Confessions of a  Cloud Walker , yes I hit it that cookie right there… my mans that cookie is finger licking Good , crazy enough to love my man crazy…

Funny enough it is her I loved the purest, heart body and soul no hold bars. 

Flash ... "Our Thing"

[Flash] Watching from the Ether studio session

 Cece “I don’t want to lose you to the music, to the industry, to the crowd, to the lifestyle and to the image but I will support you if this is what you really want , you have a gift and it would be a  sin not share it,  it’s hard enough sharing you with everybody else  and the world but I guess its your dream , so whatever you need  from me …just don’t let me lose you?”

Cloud “You won’t , ever pinkie swear (promise), eyes wide shut  heart wide open souls kiss souls touch I and eye, Ma you are the dream they can take all this , but the us  that’s sacred, I will war for you  ”

“pinky swear” they laugh and bump foreheads gently (there thing)

“Wrote this hook just for you Ma”

(Singing gently ...)

At night when I write and my thoughts take flight

You steal my heart then you steal my sight

A bright starry soul in cold lonely night

I might do wrong … but we will always be right

The cog in my mechanism you make my soul work

The healing and balm when my souls hurt

Cloud “ yall be tell all your secrets to my soul so said it with out saing it… I like it , we got this like Bee and Jay just that you can’t sing ( she hits me ) but I don’t want to be in anybody else inner right thigh just yours you move like a viper Ma

Latter on in the in booth …

• Studio sessions, looking through the glass at her with smile and nodding as I step to the mic…
• “I will be the lamb for your sacrifice
• Cash money if I ever need to pay the price
• 2 On a hot summer day I will be your ice
• For your dark lonely nights I am be your light
• 3 If they disrespect you then I am fist fight
• When the world do you wrong, I will be the right
• 4 I am always thinking about our future because it looking bright
•  Baby fat on the booty and she keep it tight
• 5 The fairy tales come true and be the knight
• You already use my last name because you know your wife
• 6 Talk dirty in bedroom, but we stay polite
• Always start back at one like am Brain Mc Knight
• 7 My tongue game eyes rolling and you see the light
• We take off for heavens this is the captain’s flight
• 8 Break you off proper like latter on tonight
• Dear Lord you have m loving on the woman with all my might
• 9 your gods master piece the Perfect faces with no make up
• Rich mind  rich  heart and soul I call you the cake up
• 10 we living in a dream world and the queen don’t wake up
• Hit you with long stroke until you can’t stay up
• 11 God bless me with the patience for you when start act up
• Class and elegance so queen but shorty is never stuck up
• 12 Try to keep it Christian, but cant help it we lay up
• We never tell each other lies from day one we being straight up”

[Flash]poetry  

siting on the corner of the bed together her in between my leg while I brush her hair and when I am done she leans backward into my chest, nestles her head on the side of my neck making purring sound… I know what to do it was our thing. “You ready C ? ” …” “Constantly like the Northern star”... 

Both of us with no makeup...be vulnerable

Do you know why I like to stare at you and marvel when you don’t have makeup on, yeah you’re beautiful and fly all kinds of awesomeness happening there to (rolling my eyes and laughing) but it’s not that ?  The makeup covers the person I wake to up to it’s hard to see Mr Gods original design there Ma, I want to know that you its sacred to me just like you don’t want me to wear the man makeup  of false masculinity that would cover up the flaws in my character , the sometimes I am weak and the  bruises in my soul from everyday life , they don’t make me less man to you… so why cover up what makes you more woman and human to me ?… it’s too hard to live up to these false concepts of perfection  that’s for them out there not the “US” , (sarcastically) besides I married a real woman with curves  and morning breathe  not a mannequin (Hitting me).

 That face under the makeup is the one I will see when you have a baby… (Laughing) or worse that would be terrible time to meet a stranger lol… like how you want to see my souls face when I lose some one that I love and I am supposed to lean on you. I gave you my word you would never be alone in a crowd and you said “Cloud don’t ever be emotionally unavailable when I am around”… we got this we don’t always know how or get it right but we got it… When your covered up it tells you don’t trust me with imperfect to love you anyway and then you get confused when my soul doesn’t show up … keep it  simple wipe the makeup off and you can put me on… know come here and tuck yourself into my right arm…

Lamb to the Slaughter … Killing the order

He lies on top of his son’s grave in the foetal position … bile in the back of his throat, cramps in his stomach tears in his eyes, he tries to sing but is interrupted by attempts at crying, his hands shake his lips quiver he tries … [Bob Marley]

 “They say kill them before they grow… so I shot the sheriff but I didn’t kill the deputy”…

I remember the first time you said it “Dad I want to be just like you” every man worth his salt in swet beats his chest when he hears it for the first time from his son“ little man wants to be just like me lol did you hear that Mr God like me …?” Until those words hit his soul and that man thinks to himself “ but you don’t know what it took to make me little man I was born in hell fire, if i told you some of things I had to endure and survive to be me… your toes would cure and your hair would turn grey and maybe your heart would turn grey just from listening, I don’t show you my true scars not to be deceptive but to avoid making you a Cynic about this manhood thing, you don’t want to be like me , you won’t be like me  you will be better and  you will be better but you won’t take my route”… The pain in his heart and head surge

“I am sorry Troy I promised to protect you to your mother most important to you and I failed because I believed there lies I knew the evil they are and trusted them with something as precious as your life, they say he who doesn’t not protect his children is worse than infidel sorry will not bring you back… (His stomach tightens, he almost throws up… “hearing his (Troy’s) voice in my head)…

Feeling pure hatred for the first time…

Time slowed down, it felt like I had left my body and I watched as my soul cringed slowly and painfully, it’s the strangest experience to be the third person watching like a voyeur of your own life and feeling sorry for yourself, for the first time in my life I was feeling and experiencing something totally new and I did not like it at all, no sir not one single bit. It had nothing to do with me as a human being and who I was as person, it had nothing to do with who I was in Ubuntu, it had nothing to do with the good teachings my loving parents have tried to impart into me to make me a good man. It made my inner light dim, it made my ears deafen toward the sweet whispers of the ancestors, the worst part was that it made feel distant from Mr Gods, whatever it was  it truly ugly “get it off me !” “Get it out of me!”, as I watched myself struggle with it, I had never ever felt so helpless. For the first time ever in my life with my nap pulsing and my muscles shaking, they had found a way to make me feel hatred and it was toward them, as the salvia slowly dripped down my cheek from the place that it had landed. It goes quiet dead quiet and then the ground starts shaking…. Lighten flashes everywhere …

[Watching from the Ether]

“Michael how the hell do I kill that version of me ?”

“With the Assagi ”

“No I mean look at him, I’ve never seen anything like that that’s a monsta  he, i am not human well barely, I don’t stand a chance in hell of stopping that thing...I and I would rip me a new asshole, what did they do to me for me to become that…?”

“They killed your only son”

“They did what …(silence) [silent whisper ] I understand he will be the most difficult one to kill… I will come after him last when I am strongest, I have never seen me like that before, I can feel what he is feeling it hurts a lot … its cold its empty” 

[Flash ]The Brothers …Crazy but I love em

You know you’re in a good relationship when your single friends start to talk smack about that relationship , while I was cleaving with her which most people don’t do anymore they assumed I was leaving them. It’s nothing new

cleaving.1.to adhere closely; stick; cling (usually followed by to).2.to remain faithful (usually followed by to):

to cleave to one's principles in spite of persecution.  their version split or sever (something), especially along a natural line or grain. synonyms:          split, split open, crack open, lay open, divide, sever, splinter;

“You ain’t spending time with the fellas no more, Cloud spends so much time in the pussy he has Either taken a mortgage in it or paying rent I am just saying”

“ummm you need to keep my woman’s pussy out your mouth ?”

“ nah nigga we aint talking about her pussy we talking about yours” [they laugh but I am not amused]

“Hell no, you’re in my house eating my food drinking my beer filling my toilet wasting my tissues paper you better show some respect up in here before I kick all of you out, you desert dick having dry knob, right hand is bigger than my left hand, cold blanket sleeping, tumble weed in the pants, pillow hugging, lonely ass, none pussy getting mother fuckers, at least it rains in my forest … do we still want to talk about my pussy”  [silence]

“you cold man artic ass cold why .. really you had to go there”

“first class paid for in cash your ordered the ticket you can dish out bitches ...get your ass out the kitchen if you can’t handle the heat”