The secret - teaser Family affair

The secret

Dee “Clouds not just going to give you his sperm ,besides what makes you think I’m allow him to even if he said yes ? you said naturally?”

Fafi “we have an agreement”

Dee “With Cloud that I don’t know about, that bastard I’m kill him ? then I am cut off his balls so nobody gets any sperm , then I am a ..”

Fafi “relax , my agreements not with Cloud it’s with her”

Dee (laughing half insane) “you made a deal with the devil for Clouds sperm, (looking at Cece) I can’t wait to bring you back to life so I can personally kill you myself, (looking at Fafi with dangerously Calm smile) please enlighten me on the details of agreement”

Cece shaking her head at Fafi…

Fafi “ After they got married Cece wanted a baby straight away, Cloud wanted to wait so she asked me to help in return, when the time was right I could have his sperm”

Dee “So how did you help ?”

Cece “She is confused… what i said was ”

Fafi “ no I am not … I am the one who put the Viagra and sleeping pills in the vodka for you, when he finally passed out we carried him to the bedroom together…..

Teaser - Queen Bee -Family affair

Fafi “My advice is we share him if you fight for him you could both loose him, listen to Dee, me and you have known him all our lives you what he is like when his backs against a wall. But if we share him everyone wins”

Cece “Who’s we , when did you come into the equation besides your lesbian?”

Fafi “Clouds my best friend, I don’t want his heart I want his sperm, besides we have all had a taste of the black moses D you how he breaks a back , listen I am in my 30’s if I am going to create a  life I want him to donate  the DNA, do you know how much crazy is out there at least with cloud my baby will have his brain and his eyes after all look at Sky and Storm? besides with me in the equation i can stop you two from killing each other”

Dee “Do you know how crazy you sound right about now tsssss share him  his sperm? number one Cloud would never part with his sperm he doesn’t father and leave, two …

Northern star (eternal love - Family Affair

Cloud “ Dee I need a moment alone with my wife?”

Dee “your what?... I thought we had no secrets between us and what does that make me?”

Cloud “I didn’t divorce her, she died … like it or not she still is my wife and the mother of my children and I have to respect her as such I am bound by my word to respect her ”

Cece “You heard him step…”

Dee “Bitch if you weren’t dead, i would put my foot...”

Cloud “Imi !!!(translated , Both of you) act your age and not your shoe seize, this is hard for everybody lets figure it out civilly , at the end of the day I am still the head of our house  and my word holds (tapping his chest) I’ll be back soon Dee (tap 7) Ether”

[Cece and Cloud disappear and reappear alone on a Cloud , and Dee stares at empty space with tears in her eye’s] Dee "i am losing him"

…Cloud stares at her no emotions to betray him , he reaches out to touch her she doesn’t move, he leans into her ear to smell her , he kisses her neck to taste her and then step back and just stares at her…

[Flash …. 2003]

Cloud lying on his back, Cece wearing nothing but his tee shirt and a thong sits on top of him.

Cece “have you ever had a blow job ?”

Cloud “Trick question… umm I am black Moses nuff said,  but you know that sounds like a good suggestion to me, literally, i am up for it ( hehehe)”

Cece “Boy …your so gone like you’re in love with me or something, you know I am the best you will ever have , i got skills you haven't even seen yet”

Cloud “ I don’t wana come back because …(confession of cloud walker) because I am in love with you (school boy shiness) and you are bestestestestest , having you here like this it’s like Mr God dropped a rose from the heavens right into my hands, I guess in case my lap  ”

Cece lights a blunt … Cloud “I drink I don’t smoke” She inhales deep puts her lips over his and exhales slowly (slow kiss when she is done)

Cece “that’s a blow job what I’m a do to you latter that’s called special attention ... i show those skills”

[Flash back to each other staring at each other]

Cloud “don’t lie to me or spare my feelings …tell me to my face you came back for revenge and to protect our children only and I had nothing to do with it ?”

[Flash]

Siting by a pool in his tee shirt eating grapes while he rubs her feet and sings to her .

Cece “Miss me ?”

Cloud “Always”

Cece “ How much”

Cloud “Eternally now and forever like the Northern star … my love for you can’t be moved and will always bring me home ”

[Flash]

She can’t reply, tears run down her face, Cloud says nothing but hand gestures to come close and he holds her..."have you ever loved someone so pure you can't tell where they start and you begin"

[Flash]

Friday late night cuddled up on the couch listening to Marvin  Gaye play wrestling and laughing, ¾ of the Vodka gone , past tipsy close to drunk, occasional pauses eye contact no words and random kisses.

Cece “I want to ask you some questions about us ? ”

Cloud “ what i do this time ...sure … you can be on top first to night ”

Cece “Boy get your head out my pants, but okay... seriously... I mean do you ,really really really love me like the northern star , would you bend  the heavens of me and defy nature to love me ?”

A pause and deep silence …Cloud “Are you pregnant ... am i going to be a dad , what do i tell my mom?”

Cece “no”

Cloud “so why would you ask me that ?, I love you as hard as I can everyday , like a doctor told me I had 24 hours to live , do i not make love to you like i was told jesus was coming back this week and i am not sure about sex in heaven?”

Cece “ Its not that … just answer the questions, would you  leave me if I couldn’t give you kids"

Cloud “no … we would adopt... your scaring me ”

Cece “ would you ever leave?”

Cloud “Not even in death ...do lungs need air, no … are you sick ?… what a tuma  … cancer whatever it is we get through it,  ride or die your freaking me out your asking questions you know the answers to, it's not like you … whats up ?”
Pulling him to his feet...

Cece “ One last Question  and don’t lie to me and tell me what I want hear or spare my feelings”

Cloud “okay… finally”

dropping to one knee

Cece “ Tapfuma …will you Marry me , I want your last name and one day your babies and your company until god call one of us home, will you spend the rest of your life with the me  as one flesh , one bone , one soul for forever ?”

Long Silence “yes... what took so long”

[ Flash]

Their bodies part and they just stare at each other... "woman tell me the truth ten years i waited ...i hurt my soul bled for you answer me ..."

she drops to one knee pulls out a peblle  “Cloud …marry me ?”….

Family Affair- The Principles the issue- Father Daughter -teaser

Fate opens the door to the principles offices Dee enters first, Cloud enters second shaking his head and the cloud walkerz follow, cloud mutter "aint this a bitch".


(evil laugh) Cloud "So we wild animal ha... Do do you know what a lioness will do if you attack her cubs,let alone what a silver back will do especially the Alpha  will do to protect his (Hand clap a big black bag lands on table,  opening  bag) toys (evil laugh) its a good thing we are school, know between the two your who is your son  and your student made my daughter upset , racism is taught in the house and the school"

"mmmmmmm!" back hand

"little boy, you shut the fuck up when grown folk are talking... where was i, you see little is my my heart and soul,i am responsible for her good looks, inheritance ,education, safety and good child hood memories to mention a few,that nasty  piece of shit you call a son and a student are making that hard for me (reaching into the bag) sulfuric acid , pliers , cigar cutter, meat tenderizer my favorite....."

Dee "Fuck the dramatic letme cut there dick and tongue out upset my baby asshole (reach in the coming out with bucther knife)"

Cloud "baby .... easy i got this"

Father son walks (reflections) teaser -family affair

Storm you’re going to be the man of house one day, our home is one world when you step outside those doors that's a different world different rules handled yourself like you have being schooled. I got a gem for you young King... son . As a black man in a western society you got to know how to compete, we never use our race as an excuse for not doing great things your a beast becoming that scare the bald head, I won't give you  false teaching or waist my pain or scars that would make you a cripple, I went through it so you don't have to you... You carry our last name that's our brand i know your sister one will fall in love with someone if i don't kil him and change her name,  you it ... you carry the brand both of you run the business.  When you pick a wife pick carefully because she becomes family and thats your team ride or die...

 When you aim for anything in the life we call that the line , in there world  outside those doors, we don't aim for the line we aim way past the line, because they who ever they are, are always  moving the line back ward to deter you from trying, you laser sharp and you hit it you go harder. (confessions of cloud walker deep sigh ) ... in some ways i feel we and when i say we i mean our generation failed you against circumstance and all odds, we let you down a little forgive we didn't know better... (sadness in dads eyes) we were supposed to be the last generation  to work that works twice as hard  for normal, 10 times as hard for good , 100 times as hard for excellent and almost die for  phenomenal, the struggles not over we do it together our ( the elders ) wisdom your youth strength innovation and vitality... our future looks bright, never lose hope son (wink).

My teachers  say that my dad is militant my dad just says "i am just sick of it" and slowly he teaches me what the "it" is, he say one day i will be stronger smarter and faster than him, some times i doubt Dads a beast when goes in . My dad on the other hand says that  my teacher  should not be allowed near a classroom  to teach because " he is the height and definition of ignorant". I believe my dad all day i am 12 years old turning 13 and i have this strange feeling that i have read more books than my teacher. I don't always get him (dad that is) but he has never given me a reason to question him since mom died, my dad’s not like most other men, he smart and proud of it always teaching i wish he would stop and just be dad but as i get older i start to understand why, he is strong on the inside and out  but he pretends to be weak on the outside he says men ego's get threatened at strength making us a target  and would should pick our fights carefully, he has a very controlled ego and a big heart not just for us (sky my sister and Dee second mom) but for strangers especial the weak and broken, from what i observe most men live by the code of the ego not compassion my dads different , dad says there is nothing weak about showing other human beings compassion especially when they don't deserve it  i personally have mixed feelings about that, and he talks about war comming i think its close, Dad is protective  some times over protective but at least i know i am loved, he lets me make small mistakes but somehow he never to far when real danger is close. When we were younger he always used to read to us, when we could read for ourselves he would force us to read for hour every day, now i just read whenever can " the price of ignorance is to high son , it could cost us our family" i read to keep my mind soul and pockets swollen ... Uncle BC is always saying " the games to told and not sold".

Cloud " i work hard so that you work smart"

Broken - Surrogate Daughter- Family Affair extra Dee history

The daughter I never had

 Hey Cloud... Wow what or who in the hell did this to you i thought you were the general the strongest of them all whatever coming it's dark... to put you in a comma ?

Anyway, my story  you asked me so many times but you never pushed  but i never spoke the whole truth? Um… the short and long of it is that I have had a great life on the outside but it’s just surface. Great parents, great brother most of the time, good family. We have never been really poor or anything - not rich , but not poor. My family was very open, supportive and very loving . Now I am starting to realize that to a certain extent, that was all just surface it was all just one big fat  lie.

 Because behind the scenes, I was a broken little girl who was deeply wounded by her parents. My brother has serious rejection and confidence issues, which were not addressed . My parents are having a rocky marriage now just like back then, but they pretend everything is ok  they could win Oscars in public but not at home.

However, my story - well, I do not know. Not much to tell. I had a great childhood - I was a shy little girl and I wore beautiful clothes cos my mom owned a cool clothes store for little girls. (Ha ha - good memories!) The Gardner somewhere between six and nine (I do not remember cos I blocked it all out) sexually abused me for 2 years. I told my mom about it when I finally got the courage, but she did not do anything. Literally, nothing . She did not even talk to me about it. Therefore, from the age of 8 or 9, I had to deal with that on my own. Subsequently hated my mom and resented her and blamed her for everything and that ruined our relationship. I became a strong, independent, do not need anyone sort of girl because I had been so disappointed by my parents. Found myself in relationship after relationship from the age of 12 onwards. Still, I was scarred sexually, so I could not do much.

Um... age 16, met a person and it was the worst relationship of my life so selfish and seemed soulless a times. He hurt me deeply and I hated people. Age 17, met a beautiful man who is still a great friend. He loved me with all his heart ... i Hurt him terribly back then, sadly i took my vengeance out on the wrong one he should of being the one he actually loved me broken as i was . I Regret that. Age 16 i  met God, but i dropped him for the wonderful man .. well wonderful only physically his soul was dark. Age 17, moved to Australia for Uni. Got introduced to alcohol and partying and stuff... went crazy. Broken and still hurting on the inside. Age 17, find out two of my friends was raped and one was almost raped... hated men even more. Age 18, so far from God and hating it so get more into the party scene. With a person who is using me pretty much, but thought, that is what I deserved - or that it was "just fun". Experimenting with lots of different people. Destroyed my purity and many relationships - somehow remained a technical virgin. Age 18, met the most beautiful man (physically) of my life. Had a windswept romance and that built up false hopes inside me? Got devastated and desperate.

Age 18, sick of crying out to God with no answer. Decide Christianity is a load of rubbish and want nothing to do with it. Age 18, walk into Church for the final goodbye and finally meet God again. Repent, cry and become restored, renewed and filled. Age 18, fall in love with Jesus and decide never to turn back again. In addition, I never have.

He is fixing me. Inside I was a mess of brokenness, hurt, despair and everything wrong. Every weapon the enemy uses to destroy God's women on this earth that was I. And one thing at a time, He is making me whole, renewing me and restoring me to my former glory. That is why I cannot ever be without Him. He rescued me. He is my Knight in Shining Armour. When all the men in my life were abusing me, lying to me, cheating me out of self-worth, love, romance and being treated like a princess like I should be, Jesus came and loved me until I believed I was worth something. I am never going to let Him go. In addition, that is why I am the way that I am about God. Totally smitten, totally in love .

There is a man out there that God has chosen and set apart for me, but right now, He is all I want and all I need and I love it.

So yeah, that is my story. we need need you to wake up

Dee … Real wife Flash 1998

Hanging out on the block talking smack as 80’ baby’s did back in the day with the fellas each one  telling each other true lies about the weekend festivities feeling on the booties smashing checking out the honeys cat calling …

Cloud  “Tau … who dat ?  Did some one new move up in the hood… I think I just saw my future wife, I think I just fell in love the way same I could fall in those dimples wax on wax off Mr Miyagi wobble wobble drop it like its  hot i can see that monster from the front boi ?”

“Tss… Iwe (you) that ain’t your future wife  that’s just little Dee besides her brother will kill you and me… you, don’t start nothing there won’t be nothing … no no no no no … you got that look in your eye Cloud”

“What look? (Licking my lips) Little Dee aint so little no more I am holla”

"No you’re  not dragging me into this bull shit … trying to get us killed not you us… Hey hey! hey..! come back!”

(Flash)  Five minutes latter

“ I know who you are Tapfuma  or should I say Black Moses, Do you really want me or do you want this”

Taking my hand placing it on her ass and squeezing keeping the eye contact at all time… Dear Mr God this ain’t right you testing me like this… (the soft serve right thur every teen age males Kryptonite)  soft in the palm tender to the touch  firm as hell on contact I am in heaven sorry I am back, Shit I can’t lie  I was trying to play it cool  but my smile betrayed me, but what was really harder was not getting harder down stairs(teenagers) But I had this, after all I was Black Moses  even back in the day I was pro best believe that.

“Shorty best believe me when I say I want you, We are young  so I am not going say I love you, because I still trying to figure out what that means  but I do know I want to figure it out with you  beside we got all our lives just me and you , right now my boys are clowning me ... right now do you want to know why because I said I done seen my future wife in you …(she looks over my shoulder "you need better friends" ) besides  if I get you ...(squeezing that ass and breathing on neck gently and slow a little tonge flick on the ear lobe ) I get this to, (taking my free hand to guide her hand to left side of my chest over my heart ) do you feel that?”

Breathing funny swallowing hard “Yes”

“let’s put it like this Dee, real talk no Black Moses just Tapfuma … What you feel under your palm that’s what you are to me in the flesh and i am still learning”

Silence pause …eye contact  honesty …(This is what I call the realness that raw emotion that thing Mr God gives us we can't describe)

“Stop playing with me … smooth… you just want what’s in between my thighs?”

“you don’t have to give anything but your smile with them dimples, your hand  to fit in mine and  hold (squeezing that ass)  and this to ,and that look that you have in eyes, what’s in between the thighs is sacred I can wait if its really mine your worth it , consider Black Moses retired” ....

Legal polygamy unholy alliance - Family affair

Cece "Cloud i need a body and a bridge back over"

Cloud "You pop up back from the dead and just ask me for a body and for me to bring you back over from the other side umm .... even if i could find you a body (along pause as to what her return would mean) i don't know how to cross you over if knew i would of done it ten years ago?"

Cece "The designer can make me a body, you can't bring me back but she can (pointing at Dee).

Dee "i guess death is a one way ticket, you had him i got him go back to cloud and play your harp orwhat ever you do"

Cloud "Why her of all people... really  i just asked to marry me ? "

Cece "i know ,She is a woman Ghiaya African , a life giver a nurturer she is my bridge ... her i don't have a choice (painful pause) because beside me she is the only other woman you loved as pure and hard as me and its that energy that's we needed to bring me back over"

Dee " i waited for 10 years for him to get over you and finally frost my lefty, then you want me to bring your ass back to life ... really? you didn't lose your body you lost your mind"

Cece "No you waited 6 month to jump on his dick which is my dick , do you know how painful it was for to watch you make love to my husband, do you know how much it hurt to watch you be a good mother to my children and for that i thank you , to hold them, wash them smell there hair read to them , nurse them when they were sick, do you know how much it hurt to hear them say mommy and talk about you and not me , do you know how painful it was to watch you build the happy home for our babies ... me and him dreamed of that we never had as children. I am not coming back for Cloud or our i wanted to be crossed over to protect our babies and for for revenge it wasn't a accident they killed me ... Cloud listen to me careful the Bald head are going to come after you and Storm hardest and if there is one thing i know how to do is fight  especially for my babies you need the extra hands, Dee we friends or used to be you love those babies as much as i do one mother to another Cross me over ... i want revenge and i want to protect my babies you can keep the D"....

Family affair --Truth lie truth - Father son

Storm “ dad … you don’t understand  I really really really like her ... i am in love, what if I am in love (dramatically)  and I miss out because your holding  back ? Show me that Black Moses magic… please ?”

Cloud “In love (laughing with his eyes in the distance a quick flash back ... shaking his head as he strolls down memory lane)... so if you really like a girl they are two ways to get her (licking his lips with style and intent eyes in the distance like Cece is standing in front of him), you either lie to her and tell her all the things she wants and  needs to hear which from experience  is pretty dangerous because after that, you have to live up to the hype and i always went overboard I guess that was just the poet in me, or you  pray hard to Mr God  and tell her the truth and make her laugh at the same time , pay attention at the same time some people can’t handle the truth, once I told your moma I wanted to jingle her jingly bits”

Storm “ and ?”

Cloud “she told me jiggle away  and then tried to jiggle my jaw (laughing) she so sexy when mad ... feisty and then I knocked those boots like a winter sale  ... cash money out the store in a hurry”

Storm “ Earth to dad  its not about you and some  boots it’s, its about me and this situation… so when you met mom you told her the truth right  ?” (awkward silence)

Cloud “ mmm yes no  then yes , you see when I flirting with your  mom for the first time and she was lost in the beauty of my brown eyes and me licking lips and twitching my pecks, she asked if i wanted a taste  which you guys call smashing and I said hell yeah, your moma is class act then she started to walk away so lied my teeth out ... okay I didn't lie I grovelled and made puppy sounds for that second shot (hehe) works every time black moses 101, and then I lied my teeth out till until I could dickmatized her and hit her with the hurricane tongue (nodding his head with pride) and while we lay in bed exhausted from my brilliant sex God like performance,  I whispered in her ear.. when I first saw you  I thought  that’s my future wife”

Storm “ really (nodding)   and then you proposed”

Cloud  “ nope … Round 2 (smiling with pride) Storm I didn't propose to Mom she  proposed me”

Storm “why ? … she finer than you back the day she made more money than you you say she was smarter than you … if the  D games that tight I hope it genetic,”

Cloud “ Finer than  who Tsss ... there go your Jordan’s mr mouth ...  and i did break her back so many times she was almost paralyzed , she would go to work with smile but walking funny… 
“ dad remember the conversation we had to much information?”

"Some unreliable source your snitching Uncle Fate, told your moma that if she didn’t propose and waited for me to  to do it she would turn into skeleton waiting, so on one very drunk night your mom dropped to a knee and proposed"

"mom bought you a ring  maybe, she should be Black Moses?"

(reaching into his pocket) "Penguin style  ... she proposed with a pebble"

" so your trying to tell if i really like this girl i should get a pebble and some vodka ?"

"it would  work but no not now... save that for college... you like her ha boy, (deep sigh) think of women like this Mc donalds and 5 star restaurant, so take you time if like her  you don't eat slows  at mac D its fast food in and out , 5 star ... you have the starter the main deserts and the extra ... pay attention (theme music Black Moses) The next time you see this girl that you love ... what do you like about her the most ?"

" her face  and she makes me laugh"

"what about her face?"

"every thing, well put together just perfect for me and when she laughs i feel things"

"where in your pants ? (laughing)" 

"No dad in my chest it tingles" (moment of silence he smiles at his on)

"So just tell her what you just told me  about her...  here is the secret eye contact ... when you make it don't break it, then break it and look at her ankles and slow work your way up appreciate her don't objectify slow, then slowly lick your  lips and tell her what you just told me about be honest make her feel safe make her feel special and make her laugh  that's it there no deep secret, people make things more complicated than need to be ... you can give me a hug and go practice in the mirror "

"How did you know i was going to practice ?"

"i am Black Moses... i fell in love at your age once as well... and when you practice don't kiss the mirror"
They hug they laugh 

"no mirror kissing promise"

Teaser In world of Cloud 12- picture black

If a black panther and Silver back fell in love were would they live so i picture black

Teaser - The world of cloud - family affair

I laugh a little

“I love watching her .. .. .when she is cooking, she looks so ripe just my type right ... when I watch her long enough  I can almost catch the moment when she puts the extra love in the food, I walk up behind her she  lets me put  one hand around her waist , it wraps around her waist like a creeper on the wall of an old castle like it has belonged there for a lifetime and bit, the other hand glides down her arm  just behind her wrist and extends..  my hand over hers as she  stirs the food , the aroma like the mixing of souls could only be an act of god , just a little less than divine  because it is  made by man  not quit mana but from heaven but tasting just as good”

“ and this is why you come to tell me you are love .. am I invited to the wedding would I be the best man”.. .. .. . The sound of wings then a  thud  the figure moves in the dark, I am not  startled  just moving my glance  to the dark. After another strong drag of my cigarette I return  the straw to the corner of my  mouth as I continue

 “ and when I write  she sits behind  me  and does the same she lets her hand  wrap around me, she   puts her hands over my for arm , she  lets me guide her hand as I write , her eyes will be closed  but she can says every word I scribbled ..(Gentle laugh)  Nathaniel what do I do?”…a voice laughs 

Teaser The supernatural -Family affair

Raising my head “ you ....you’re a funny  mother fucker you know that” as I looked at my reflection in the mirror, he was  drunk as I  was moving independent of me...  looking at him and he was trying to stay up “ you should know better the dead burry the dead” he replied in his slurs, he was pointing at me  he was taking a sip of whisky I looked at my hand  but my glass was empty, I laughed , we both looked to the  side  as we heard a thud on the ground my Shadow fell over drunk, we laughed lightly “ you could never hold your liquor” , as I helped him up , he didn’t say anything.. “ come on out  now .. all of you I flopped  on the seat  barely sitting up right on the closed toilet seat, out the shadows they came . My others i call them... my fear , bravery wisdom stupidity, confusion, all of that which  made me “ what do you want?” frustration said, stepping closer to me  fear whispered “it’s dark in here” he looked like me just timid, I smiled him at rubbed my finger together and to spark the holy flame...“ better” fear “ what if you burn the house down?” “oh shut up you must of called  us here for a reason .. speak” thats my wisdom 

Teaser -Dreams 2

The lover- Your neck your lips your breast as I tease your nipple you follow me as the sun and the moon, and the tender of your belly I breathe on it  to see you shiver, the firm of your thighs hold my finger prints , as I part them  the look in your eye.. don’t be embarrassed we’re grown....

 we can talk about these things , sweat and passion deep moans as you lay your soul on your skin so I can taste it, and steal your breathe when you want to scream .. but you can’t your nails make me bleed  touching  fire it’s like.. touch water its like ..? You are like..? I am like? Breathless spiritual and physical at the pinnacle when I look you in the eye and you can say ..(looking at her) .. .. you can say nothing. 

Teaser -Dreams- Family affair

Hunger

I awoke with nothing
I went to sleep with nothing
all in my mind was a hunger unfulfilled
all I had was in me
and all that I wanted was around me
my clothes were torn my legs were bleeding
but all I wanted was to satisfy my hunger
the cold was in my breath
the cold was in my blood
but all my thoughts were with the food in the window
so mellow and sweet
so soft and unrefined
my mind began to flow my hand began to move
the window shattered
and there was my freedom
I began to eat as painful as it was
my throat burned with a sensation of thanks and hate
for to it my survival was not worth its pain
with a smile on my face I blacked out

While I was blacked out the wind came and blew away my poem  when I woke there was nothing.

 innocent victim of war -I think I understand you, but don’t be scared by those sounds or the ground shaking..  its just a missile  they pass by often , sorry I cant tell you where that one is going but where every it lands I can assure there will be death and destruction tears and the very distinct scent of human flesh , I have to ask Allah  is he deaf .. I know he is real.. ..  I see him in the beauty of my land, I feel him in the embrace  of family , I have tried to kill him when I kill my own  hope for the future .. I have cried  out to him “ to fix my daughters crashed body” after we dug her from the rubble.... I feel a great silence so I have to ask him can you hear me … ?

you see lord they press the buttons from so far, they kill so many but they don’t see anything they are not choked by the rubble dust or shook by the sound  they don’t have to smell scorched flesh and hear mothers and children crying.. “they break the backs of our women with sorry of mourning their husbands and sons” ...ahh I get it … see no evil  but do all evil.. hahha  they don’t pay attention to the turmoil of there own soldier ...they witness the madness  and they are infected  as they return to pass it on in there homes , war does strange things to all who wage it .. we are all victims and those who wage it the soldiers that is on both sides .. not those who order it , my ashes settle peacefully although I am surrounded by war, history records  it as nothing as they war on .. .my 30 seconds of fame as they show my  land .. I am  buried over there  behind the reporter…they stand aside and say nothing and do nothing .. , next to my innocents my peace and ashes settle , and I become the wrong part of history reported by those who don’t know the truth I think they are called world /cooperate leaders, history is written by those how win wars. What’s is my name I ask the general , I ask the president .. Koffi Anan what is my name ?

 who ordered the pressing of the button .. they says nothing..

i ask the sadness in my eyes

Remember his last writings ..

I ask …….in the eye?

They are the very people who would, smother true poetry the part of me which never wakes , for it always dreams , I had to tell them that , that which has  a soul can not be killed  at best condemned and that’s still my choice . I ask the sadness in my eyes “will somebody pray for me “(did I really want the answer?). Silence and solitude is where I am, caught in this world  full of people (so anything is possible ), noise, tears, my favorite  smiles  oh yes crocodiles smiles. I turn and walk away from it, and end up back up where I was before alone, (haha ironic), but I am used to it that . Try and consul my self smiling different smiles in the mirror, the childish vanity, I smile with the lips few could ever understand or see, but maybe Mr god see?, nah he always see … … may be those who love like me ? I begin to feel sad and I don’t know why  and I don’t  want to..?.. I cant breathe, its gonna be alright? ….Right? (The echoes empty halls). 

Anybody, even if its not true tell me so… as  I sniff my tears away I realize how I miss the  faith of being a child  that made  everything alright ,  some times I forget to smile, ….. ummm ummmm  trying to live life body  and soul , looking back at the ruins of war we call our past, shake my head  and smile ,  wondering  how did I survived (broken on purpose)? I listen as I watch  my body and my soul separate (madness’s slumber ) “then I think  to myself what a wonderful  world” what made Sachmo say  such a thing when he sang , was he crying or smiling, talking?.. .. oh yeah  he was singing……..wasn’t he? Sad by my self was I even listening they say the good die young so the mystery of my continuous existence is solved, it crazy in my smiles and tears, …. As if they mattered, my picture of love?  Don’t really have one? Picture of love that is so what do I tell my soul if I don’t get see my dreams. (So much pain at such a thought, I close my eyes if only to remember I can not fear  the darkness now) I know,  I was blind? hmmmm will I believe me? Doesn’t matter what you tell me, as I bear the pain of their conceptuality of me in other words breathing and perception, I would be smiling  like an idiot  smiling , why rogue …….why do you smile   with  that sadness in your eyes. Some things will never change but somethings do.

Agape 

Teaser brotherhood - Family Affair 2

Some where else brother Fate driving along

I used to ask my brother Cloud often “how do you deal with  the darkness” he would always reply  “I don’t deal with the darkness ... I just look to the light” love is a lot like light to man,  and maybe there in lies the problem , we can only see  one level of light , but light has 7 spectrum's... Seven there’s that number again , ultra infer and so on , and color is derived from 3 basic colors a bit like the trinity the father the son the holy ghost.

If light comes in many forms but we only perceive one maybe two at a time , what of love , how easy would it be for us to see what we want of it and leave the rest, how easy it  would be for us to misinterpret it , if light is made  up of so much, why would love be made of less after all it is the most powerful force in the world to know love is to know god, so who is allowed to tell us who we are.. and how we are allowed to love .. Who.. .. ? yes indeed who? Some times brothers fight thank God for forgiveness but when we fight together we are a force of nature  only answerable to Mr God himself....

Family Affair ... series1 pt4 Letters to my father on the otherside

(The voice )
 Hands fold the letter, there is hesitation and deep breathes a tear seems to tag the envelope there is sniffling,  love is not supposed to hurt but its absence surely does ... one last hesitation, which means there was pride .. the tongue licks the envelope as if to taste benediction but it wasn't there, the eyes drop as those of man who has being imprisoned for 20 years and stands at the gates of freedom not sure how to take the first step out institutionalized to pain ... the heart say go the memories say no, but all the mind knows is restrained, he  has being released into a world he knows nothing about anymore and yet some how his knower knows  inside once upon a time he was a master  … but there is  a smile on his face the double edge sword of hope... The winds in the street are chilly, they push on his shoulder to move ,each breath fills his lungs with coolness the opposite of the heat of his heart beat, each step with purpose confidence seem to be this man’s apparel little does the world know , the paradox to his eyes ,  he bites his lip his worries slip away as he slip the letter in the mail box. The whisper of the word “amen” as he walks away into the crowd of bustling people , the raining making him fade in this thing we call life.

The Road

The bitter
the sweet
the truth
which of these
will I accept
which of these
will I condemn
which of these
will show me the road

Ashes to ashes … Dust to dust our legends say if you want to talk to the dead you pen the letter out and then burn it, and the messengers that lay in between the worlds carry it and the dead speak to you in dreams and visions…( Pen scribbling)

Dziva ... I really think there is something really messed up in my head and I am not sure how to fix it but if I don’t fix it I am lose I might lose those that I love, I was looking  over my valley again  the darkness the cold the lonely… and I was thinking to myself , I must love living here because by now I should of let go or at least healed from it. I feel really strange right know .. like I am hollow ,I have  being talking with god , and the silly thing is I know every thing will be alright .. these things I know but I look to god and ask why I am so down   am I that faithless.. again I feel like I am letting him down , but I know that's not  true .. that's the problem I know I open my mouth to praise him but its just  words my souls is not behind it and that bothers me …. When you don't know then   it is not so worrying.. but I know who he is with me ..faith? faith?

 For some reason I am hollow a lot of things from my past as in childhood  just keep popping up .. I should know better but really miss my you acting as thou my father in heaven is inadequate when I know truly he will provide abundantly.. so I push  .. but I really hate the feelings I have right know .. But in my right mind a set of  lights should be going off  .. Saying god is about do what he does … but there I am like donkey in winnie the pooh .. .. I am not joking I feel like I have voices in my head like small pieces of glass telling how I am faithless and letting god down   and this and that and I know its  the enemy I speak back with scriptures because  ….i don't know what I doing wrong I have given up to lord peter 5:7  the battle is his not mine .. and the voices and whispers in my head are getting louder and more frequent which should tell me I am about to make a major break through.. because a thief doesn't steal from an empty house .. so what’s wrong with me because I know? The more I think bout the more frustrated I get .. and I know that what the enemy wants .. the biggest problem to me is that I know ..i am applying the I cant hold on much longer the feelings are breaking down the walls of  my sanity    so what’s wrong with me ..  

I don't know .. the strangest thing is  I know god is bring me into my season of harvest, I keep hearing something telling this is your time of harvest season take it grab it with both hands , I am unmotivated even thou I am still working hard …. As I said I know that god is working on me right know  and he is gonna shatter  the situation  or whatever is bugging ..

 But that's why I am so irritated  at me because I know what he  is gonna do … I am not sure why I am telling you this but I guess I am comfortable talking to you if i tell anybody else they would think I am insane , or on the edge of breakdown which is far from the truth…

 I know the scriptures in out   I know the application I know I should be lifting gods name in praise because my season is here  and no weapon formed against me shall prosper .. but alas there is no fire in my soul   and I know the holy spirit is in there some where  because I am not sitting on the throne anymore .. my eyes open to the thief I know he wants to steal my joy which brings me back to why do I feel the way I do .. this morning I was lying in my bed   said my prayer as usual and just lay there asked god  to just  hold me  … I told him I don't want anything else would you just hold me ..

 So what do I do why am I so faithless when I KNOW..

 I don't expect a replies I just wanted to get   that off my chest it was bothering me ..

  I am sorry I just needed to say something just needs to say something I guess.

 Thanks for listening Dad  (pen stops scribbling)