Open letter to the woman I will marry I haven’t met yet.

Open letter to the woman I will marry  but I haven’t met yet.

People say that for a relationship to work any kind of relationship friend’s lover’s even between a child and a parent communications is the most important element... I beg to differ. I think the hardest and most important thing I need to earn from you and maybe even give you first completely is trust, that’s my own personal belief, no relationship can work without trust, I believe the level of trust dictates the level of intimacy we can possibly have, I don’t mean to be deep but if I am to be your promise to be a promise of what other men failed to be in your life the most important thing I will have to do is earn  your complete trust having said that I am not perfect, if we have any chance at all of a “us”, I would have to be someone you can trust with your pain, your dreams , your hope, you have to lol well you don’t have to anything, trust me to stay during hard times when we both don’t know the outcome, trust me with body the most intimate parts of you, not to hurt it or bring diseases to you, to nurture you when you’re sick and to understand it as we age wobbly  bits and all, to trust me with the promise of fidelity, trust me to be finical mature it’s not about rich or poor simply spending wisely and unselfishly and not digging a ditch for us to crawl out of, trust me to be a man and lead but not dictate your life and embrace your free spirit, to be sensitive to your needs emotionally, physically affectionately, trusting me to keep my word to love you and you alone until death do us part in sickness and in health, I don’t fully know who I am, I am stumbling into me and I assume you’re going through the same process so I have to earn your trust that we can walk through the process together, to trust me to be a good father when the times comes and to not make you feel less loved or of a woman if we can’t have a child, you have to trust that you can open up and give me all of who you are and that I would reply the same way and not keep you outside my struggles even if they feel embarrassing, you have to trust  that I am not the biggest waste of time on earth whom you have poured you energy soul love life and years into only to be left shattered and disappointed, you have to trust me to be able to say these words “I was wrong and I am sorry” and mean it enough to change, as a man I am going to make mistakes and hurt you unintentionally that’s just being human, but those words are like healing balm that’s what I like to think I am just being me. I guess you also need to trust that I trust you, life has a strange way of going about its self and sometimes you will need to lead and I will have to follow, trust is the only thing I know that overrides a man’s pride. You might want to trust me not to take you for granted over the years, not to let the romance fade away, random “I love you”, kisses and ass slaps, to be your diary and when need be a human tissue for your tears, to trust me that 20 years from now there will be a special moment when I look at you as if we met for the first time and remember why I want you and why made it this far and smile at that next 20. You have to trust me that the only time I will leave you longer than I want to is when god calls me back home but it’s okay I will be waiting at the gate when he calls you to.

I could write a novel on this subject “trust” and what it means to a woman who wants real love because trust will be the root that keeps us grounded through the years, I just want to let you know I have not arrived yet I have a lot work to do, but trust me I am put it in the hard work plus overtime because your worth it your precious, we both have a trust issues from our past I can’t undo history, but we can enjoy the present and both of us can build a brighter future moment by moment brick by brick, I want to let you know I trust you and I am going to drop my guard simply because your worth it and I trust god that we are a gift to each other. I don’t expect you to feel the same way but I am man enough to go first.

You’re sincerely

Gerald aka cloud walker

i am Human first views on racism

I have being off my game  for the last few days of late and a bit of its got to do with media and social media consistently focusing on race and racism. I don’t condone it in any form and to anyone racism or reverse racism some of my best friends are different races, some of my new relatives by marriage are different and lord know I have being on the dark side of racism. Please value me first as a human being because that’s how I see you. The price has already being paid by history for us to live in change and unity, so why are we repeating history like we don’t have a brain to think and a mouth to open and say no I am not going to be part of that again, I don’t like being treated like that so I won’t do it, we act like don’t have a heart that craves to feel love and acceptance and in the same breathe turn around and hate and label someone as ugly as less than human, if you like and want a label that’s between you and you it’s part of some cultures that are not going anywhere… for a second and I know it’s hard but think … something as vile as racism can only come from a ugly heart from a place of fear and hate and at the risk of being ridiculed unpopular and being called soft I like to think I am not perfect but I have love in my heart I am not the most handsome but my mind and heart are beautiful I dictate that not you.

 My daughter is bi racial god rest her soul, was I to teach her to hate half of herself and explain to her she is a love child, was to tell well half of you is human and the half well?  Please don’t get me wrong I am not trying to be politically correct, we all have moments and we associate to each other differently in our own circles. When you speak do you think about what coming out of your mouth when you look at some body and react a certain way do you know how you make them feel?  “But Gerald they do it to us so why not do it to them” as my mother would “say if they were jumping off a cliff would you”. As somebody who is flawed and one day hopes to arrive at this thing called being a Christian, I need to call out anybody  else who is one or claims the name if god is love and racism hate what’s in your  heart.  It’s not about pointing fingers I am not asking you to solve the problem of racism I am just asking you take a look at your own heart and ask what’s inside and are you comfortable with it. Can you be a higher human being by simply saying no I am not going to be part of that and act on it, and the truth is it might take time, and if you’re comfortable with that hatred in your heart and mind then cool as I said it not about pointing fingers, I can’t change you only ask you to think? I am take a moment and pray for you, because hate is a time stealer and all it does is fester and it’s ugly it kills relationship. Love dictates I that I pray for my enemy and forgive them and hardest part which even I struggle with is love you. It’s not about how I feel  but it comes from the part of me high best possible me I am becoming every day. Remember there is nothing as perverse as silence … think