He
lays on top of his son’s grave in the foetal position … bile in the back of his
throat, cramps in his stomach tears in his eyes, he tries to sing but is
interrupted by cries, his hands shake his lips quiver he tries … [Bob Marley]
“They say kill them before they grow… so I
shot the sheriff but I didn’t kill the deputy”…
I remember
the first time you said it “Dad I want to be just like you” every man worth his
salt in swet beats his chest when he hears it for the first time from his son“
little man wants to be just like me lol did you hear that Mr God like me …?”
Until those words hit his soul and that man thinks to himself “ but you don’t
know what it took to make me little man I was born in hell fire, if i told you
some of things I had to endure and survive to be me… your toes would cure and
your hair would turn grey and maybe your heart would turn grey just from
listening, I don’t show you my true scars not to be deceptive but to avoid
making you a Cynic about this manhood thing, you don’t want to be like me , you
won’t be like me you will be better
and you will be better but you won’t
take my route”… The pain in his heart and head surge
“I am
sorry Troy I promised to protect you to your mother most important to you and I
failed because I believed there lies I knew the evil they are and trusted them
with something as precious as your life, they say he who doesn’t not protect
his children is worse than infidel sorry will not bring you back… (His stomach
tightens he almost throws up… “hearing his (Troy) voice in my head)…
Feeling
pure hatred for the first time…
Time
slowed down, it felt like I had left my body and I watched as my soul cringed
slowly and painfully, it’s the strangest experience to be the third person
watching like a voyeur of your own life and feeling sorry for yourself, for the
first time in my life I was feeling and experiencing something totally new and
I did not like it at all, no sir not one single bit. It had nothing to do with
me as a human being and who I was as person, it had nothing to do with who I
was in Ubuntu, it had nothing to do with the good teachings my loving parents
have tried to impart into me to make me a good man. It made my inner light dim,
it made my ears deafen toward the sweet whispers of the ancestors, the worst
part was that it made feel distant from Mr Gods, whatever it was it truly ugly “get it off me !” “Get it out
of me!”, as I watched myself struggle with it, I had never ever felt so
helpless. For the first time ever in my life with my nap pulsing and my muscles
shaking, they had found a way to make me feel hatred and it was toward them, as
the salvia slowly dripped down my cheek from the place that it had landed. It
goes quiet dead quiet and then the ground starts shaking…. Lighten flashes
everywhere …
[Watching
from the Ether]
“Michael
how the hell do I kill that version of me ?”
“With the
Assagi ”
“no I
mean look at him, I’ve never seen anything like that that’s a monsta he not human I don’t stand a chance in hell
of stopping that I and I would rip me a new asshole, what did they do to me for
me to become that…?”
“They
killed your only son”
“They
did what …(silence) [silent whisper ] I understand he will be the most
difficult one to kill… I will come after him last”
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