i ask the sadness in my eyes

Remember his last writings ..

I ask …….in the eye?

They are the very people who would, smother true poetry the part of me which never wakes , for it always dreams , I had to tell them that , that which has  a soul can not be killed  at best condemned and that’s still my choice . I ask the sadness in my eyes “will somebody pray for me “(did I really want the answer?). Silence and solitude is where I am, caught in this world  full of people (so anything is possible ), noise, tears, my favorite  smiles  oh yes crocodiles smiles. I turn and walk away from it, and end up back up where I was before alone, (haha ironic), but I am used to it that . Try and consul my self smiling different smiles in the mirror, the childish vanity, I smile with the lips few could ever understand or see, but maybe Mr god see?, nah he always see … … may be those who love like me ? I begin to feel sad and I don’t know why  and I don’t  want to..?.. I cant breathe, its gonna be alright? ….Right? (The echoes empty halls). 

Anybody, even if its not true tell me so… as  I sniff my tears away I realize how I miss the  faith of being a child  that made  everything alright ,  some times I forget to smile, ….. ummm ummmm  trying to live life body  and soul , looking back at the ruins of war we call our past, shake my head  and smile ,  wondering  how did I survived (broken on purpose)? I listen as I watch  my body and my soul separate (madness’s slumber ) “then I think  to myself what a wonderful  world” what made Sachmo say  such a thing when he sang , was he crying or smiling, talking?.. .. oh yeah  he was singing……..wasn’t he? Sad by my self was I even listening they say the good die young so the mystery of my continuous existence is solved, it crazy in my smiles and tears, …. As if they mattered, my picture of love?  Don’t really have one? Picture of love that is so what do I tell my soul if I don’t get see my dreams. (So much pain at such a thought, I close my eyes if only to remember I can not fear  the darkness now) I know,  I was blind? hmmmm will I believe me? Doesn’t matter what you tell me, as I bear the pain of their conceptuality of me in other words breathing and perception, I would be smiling  like an idiot  smiling , why rogue …….why do you smile   with  that sadness in your eyes. Some things will never change but somethings do.

Agape