Hypothetically …
Hypothetical
Letter from a broken
heart ready to love again part 1
(the sound of scribbling)
I am so used to standing
and being on my own that the idea and concept of you scares the hell out of me,
the past, I hate the past it’s a cruel yet affective teacher and slave master,
free but not free if you know what I mean …if you don’t mind in a moment of
transparency I am take my mask off and lay it down … I am back…especially when
you don’t know what free looks like it’s hard to embrace this stranger they
call free to love, the hype said it would feel one way but it doesn’t, when you
have been in the dark along time, normal light hurts the eye’s… you gave me
what I was craving and I am guilty I binged because I feared it would run out…
Only people that you care about can hurt you, so I try to stay distant lying to
myself, lonely is a cold place and your warm so dam warm, so I crept closer
when you won’t be looking … before I take another there are some crazy conversations
going on in my head, like dear Mr Gods you must have sense of humour after all
the assholes lairs and abuser you sent me, at the role of dice you send me this
80% good man, who is gentle with body patient with my temperament and
dysfunction, he actually looks into my eyes when we talk and not my cleavage
sometimes both, the scary part is I think he is actually listening to me and
you know because you designed me I say some crazy things sometimes, I know he
isn’t gay… I hope he isn’t gay ?, and it doesn’t help lord that this man you
sent me is fine, fresh out the oven buns on your creation god lord you just
want to reach squeeze …
I am back …is this a joke like the last time. Is it possible
to have two addictions I will self-confess, I am addicted my own pain my own
lonely my own forgiveness… and then this man comes along like crack cocaine, I
stole one of his shirt so I could have his sent with me when he is away, I put
it own on those lonely night when my pride wont let me call him I until I start
to have withdrawal syndromes …the taste of his lips now that’s an addiction
lord full juicy lips he has a big tongue and know what to do with it … when I should
be working at work, I am running reruns of our conversations this fool know how
to make me smile even when I am mad at
him? And this creation of yours had the
audacity to bring me breakfast in bed and he does dishes… that’s bullshit lord …
is this man real, when we are together everything between us is calm and good, I
am so used to the drama it feels awkward. can I tell you a secret god …with so
many fish in the sea, so many flowers in the valley Why did he pick me ? it
makes me feel special, I want to see me through his eyes because half the time I
don’t feel special, and another part of me is just waiting for the lies… I being
eating takeout for so long that this organic home cooked goodness I call a
healthy relationship made me feel sick when we start it sure does taste good… I
guess that questions will it last ..
I am back …is this a joke like the last time. Is it possible
to have two addictions I will self-confess, I am addicted my own pain my own
lonely my own forgiveness… and then this man comes along like crack cocaine, I
stole one of his shirt so I could have his sent with me when he is away, I put
it own on those lonely night when my pride wont let me call him I until I start
to have withdrawal syndromes …the taste of his lips now that’s an addiction
lord full juicy lips he has a big tongue and know what to do with it … when I should
be working at work, I am running reruns of our conversations this fool know how
to make me smile even when I am mad at
him? And this creation of yours had the
audacity to bring me breakfast in bed and he does dishes… that’s bullshit lord …
is this man real, when we are together everything between us is calm and good, I
am so used to the drama it feels awkward. can I tell you a secret god …with so
many fish in the sea, so many flowers in the valley Why did he pick me ? it
makes me feel special, I want to see me through his eyes because half the time I
don’t feel special, and another part of me is just waiting for the lies… I being
eating takeout for so long that this organic home cooked goodness I call a
healthy relationship made me feel sick when we start it sure does taste good… I
guess that questions will it last ..
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