"we loved each other before we fell in love with each other, like roots and earth, like air and lungs, like touch and feel , that's how we got connected and still are connected its our nature... to be "
In-to- me -see = intimacy...
Cece "If a black panther and a silver back fell in love where would they live"
Cloud "i would create there world northern star"
[Flash]
We created and lived in our own little world most of the time and we were happy and content, how and when did we do i have no clue , the funny thing is we wanted more "just us" time, not more stuff just our time alone together sacred, comfortable being misunderstood and not looking for the worlds acceptance understanding nor approval, we had something special we had each other un-apologetically Adam and Eve minus the fig leaves and the sin love, and still connected to the forever source ...Mr God, that which spoke with no words , heard with no ears and felt with no hands we understood each other , way to often accept for "us", the walls listening , angels and Mr God most people didn't get us , but i think that's how we were supposed to be , a modern day "Beauty and the Beast" and I was the beauty of course, just kidding she was always almost timeless in essence beautiful, the perfect flaw the kind of awe that broke the sky's and made the wind stop . We loved each other before we fell in love and maybe that’s why we were next level in every way possible , to this day what "it" is and how "it" became that way is still a mystery to me ,it is one of those questions i will ask Mr God when he calls me home for good.
Flash
Have you ever being so connected to another human being you can’t tell
where they start and you end the homie lover friend , you can't tell who's the
brush and who's the canvas , is this "thing" love or is it art,
the got me stupid dumb but smart ? but you know that is heaven ordained,
supernatural inspired craft we laugh, the two are “one” but
the “one” are aware they are two, but they have always being “one” ( make
sense of it latter like i said crazy ,and we some how were the method to
madness ), even a mother and her child in the womb were not as connected as we
were and that’s no exaggeration . In all honesty it’s rare that a
person gets the gift of falling in love 4 times with the same person without
the drama and breaks ups and make ups we just new that stake were up , just
going deeper and deeper every time the kind of love that evolves when it's
ready, organic and has not found a limit yet and in honesty doesn’t want
to (find a limit that is) ... 4 times i fell in love with her without falling
out of love with her .
The first time
was that classic cliché magical moment
which would be the first time we met, I
call that moment the black out, and not because i blacked out but i could i swear her beauty left me black eye's the way it hit me
(laughing). The Silver back (me) met the Black panther again it was mystery to
me how two such different species connected as one "i think i just saw my
future wife rolled off my tongue". The only thing we really knew in our
innocence was that we to each other were in the presence of another powerful
entity a deity royalty. One of us was a
planet and the other one gravity caution
thrown to wide in naivety we would fall in love in a moment of eye contact...
" Does my
ass look fat in these jeans"
how does
something so spiritual come a from this don't ask me ask God. Clouds wizzed by
head iwas fallen.
The second time we loved as no others was our
friendship, we cleaved like eagles take flight to sky to the heavens and fish
born in water navigate the sea's and
rivers.... naturally . Pure. No fig leaves naked souls unashamed for two
Africans strange almost at war with our cultures, no inhibitions but only friends , no place felt more
comfortable than my head on her lap after along day , and her body in my arms
and her head on my chest her long day and yet some how we stayed platonic ,
subconscious fear maybe a of ruining a good thing friends , I protected her femininity, restored it
bandaged and nursed sometimes ,as she
protected and fed my masculinity in a
society happy to confused and destroy both
... laughter lots and lots of laughter
in a world where many people are lonely even when in relationships, she
saw through me to me to feel me, I saw through the crowds and masks to her
breathed her to feel her friends .
The Third time
was the whirl wind romance "why can't i find some like you ?" (these
drunk nights that we have courage to tell hidden truth) transparent and solid
at the same time , two ghosts dancing we were what we were holy fire ... alive,
one minute we are dancing to Rockwilder She was Redman and me Meth down the
carpet we go in phat pants and socks at home, same entities slow dance the Tango by moonlight , one a Star light "Orion" and the
other a Cloud an element of nature only
answerable to God Storm"… Tupac once wrote to Jada “you bring me climax
without sex” , I would like to think I felt and knew what he meant ... in truth
words don't capture "it", and strangely enough as a man for the first
time in my life, i was comfortable being completely vulnerable with another being , to be present
in the moment but gone , lost but found … and my ears become a dairy for her
deepest secrets, hurts , fears hopes and dreams ... i showed her my pyscho and
vice versa and we comfortable but never
complacent about each other when two
pleasers meet there will always be happiness ... she was crazy and i was well me insane, some how I loved her even
more for it... we didn't beleive in the ether we became it.
The fourth time
i fell in love with the the same her,
(laughing) it was as Classic as the first time and as unplanned,
unscripted theater i think it caught both of us by surprise (and ... no we are
not pregnant that will be the fifth time i fall in love her deeper). I would
like to say it was the first kiss , or the
first time we mad...or made love (laughing) but no. It was that moment I had
convinced my self didn't exist at all
(dropping to a knee pebble in hand ) " do me the honor and marry
me... last name and all, until death do us part and then some, untill the
heavens fall ? ". For a man to say "yes" and let alone a woman
to ask with no fear, no inhibition and a sense of anticipation in retrospect
was snow flake rare one kind, My Mama
used tell me " when you know, that you know , you will know ( do tha math
latter) ... that crazy moment when you realize you will spend a life time with
this person, and one or other would put down the other to rest and face that moment on both sides
with no fear ... that moment right was a heaven dent ... and very drunk (laughing)
Dee “What do I want really? 35 years of friendship , 20 years of sex and almost a relationship on and off and 12 years of raising your children as my own to the point they are my own and i can’t live without them… and you ask me what do I want… Cloud ..!
you’re the dumbest smart person i know ... Boy if you loved me and showed it to me(stopping to breathe and compose herself )... half as much as you loved that little girl and boy, I would be the happiest woman in the world and all these bitches out here would be jealous of me instead of them talking about me as your "in house pussy desperately holding on to lost a dream", and they would shut the fuck up and turn green with envy, how do you think I feel. Sometimes you make me feel like visitor in our house, what happened to building a home ? ...we built this home and I am the outside ( slowing down to breathe ), like i am looking in on a love story relationship not the one actually in one, watching a dream instead of living it, having glass of water in front you while die of thirst you have no idea how I am suffering for your ass and you can’t see one sign ? not because you’re a bad man when I see you with kids its hard not to fall harder for aman who can love as hard violently and gentle as you … no, your dumb , dumb or play dumb enough to see that I fell in love with you and like a fool I waited and waited and waited for you lick your wounds after she died ".
Cloud " where is
this coming from ... what kind of noise you talking about woman what ? Did the Vodka kick in , what hormones
that time of month what did I do wrong, you know from day one we be people , we
are happy we have this special thing between us, our arrangement, your like my
nigga with breast and thick hips! (fist pump … left in the cold aight not good) we people… My Nigga my soldier
my right arm ".
(Dodging a glass) Dee"
your selfish ass is happy... what about me! Your nigga..!? bitch ass, dumb ass if it wasn’t for those kids I would kill you ?"
[Clouds inner thoughts-
we messed up somewhere not sure where...remember 101 shut up and nod at whatever she says, but whatever you do don’t say
nothing, because anything that comes out your mouth will be wrong, understand]
“ i don't wana be your nigga ... Nigga! I want to be your woman, your Queen the Goddess you worship , your Sun your, Northern star, the down ass with round ass when you grab this ass it belongs to you own it stupid keeping in shape for you ungrateful bastard,
[reasonable] I want romance chocolates flowers a pedestal
to be put on, a bed I call ours people
to call me Mrs and end it with your last name, I want to choke you out right now… (stopping to breathe)
[move back she just hit pycho] , I want exclusive rights to Dee ,fidelity mine and mine alone, I want you to eat me out until i pass out , not some time all the time i want to suck you dick until your balls go ting empty... when I want if I want because I am your wife and have the right to, [what is she talking about we already do that ...sometimes, I guess I could put my back into it] ? I want long walks, googly eyes, cuddles on demand and pillow talks and the bullshit that comes with it get it, and a ring not a big one , unless you want to because I am worth it and i better be ... and a wedding with friends family and jealous bride maids fake smiling at me gorgeous dress and a cake…I want a honey moon where we don’t leave the Room for 24 hours …and babies lots and lots of babies while my ovaries still work you ungrateful bastard how long have I being giving you this pussy and you can’t spare a little sperm selfish ass bastard,
[move back she just hit pycho] , I want exclusive rights to Dee ,fidelity mine and mine alone, I want you to eat me out until i pass out , not some time all the time i want to suck you dick until your balls go ting empty... when I want if I want because I am your wife and have the right to, [what is she talking about we already do that ...sometimes, I guess I could put my back into it] ? I want long walks, googly eyes, cuddles on demand and pillow talks and the bullshit that comes with it get it, and a ring not a big one , unless you want to because I am worth it and i better be ... and a wedding with friends family and jealous bride maids fake smiling at me gorgeous dress and a cake…I want a honey moon where we don’t leave the Room for 24 hours …and babies lots and lots of babies while my ovaries still work you ungrateful bastard how long have I being giving you this pussy and you can’t spare a little sperm selfish ass bastard,
[she wants what?… say
something (other voice ) nah Cloud get the kids, wait until she is asleep and run
and don’t look back (third voice) after all she done for you that’s cold move
killer], I want to feel a life we share we made with you grow inside me and eat whatever I want, have mood swings
and boss you around for 9 months and
then some, I want to look in the mirror and see the glow they all talk about,
have the nude picture with a baby bump and
maybe squeeze you in to , I even want the stretch marks ... there are plenty of
niggas out there if want a Nigga ...
Nigga ! I want a man, the king you are when you’re with your kids when you were
with her, I don’t want you to love me like her, as I am love me for me ... the
man you were before she died he is in there somewhere , I want my man but I can’t
make you love me , after 12 years your dumb ass can't read the fucking signs .
You make love to me like I am the only woman and the world, you hold my
hand and your presence I don’t feel alone , I feel bliss and magic, a 12 year one night stand that’s
what it feels like we make love all night tell each other secrets raise
children together and then drop back to the friend zone when you want.... I
have a heart to , feelings things I want that money can’t buy... dreams for U
12 years free in a prison of silence, dreams for "US", what about me... selfish
... and if you say My nigga one more time or ever in this life time, I
will rip your tongue out your throat wrap it around your neck and choke you
until you pass out, I won’t leave those babies but I will leave you ..it hurts
to much …”
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